Entertainment in San Francisco
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Noc Noc
Who's there? Nearsighted graffiti artists, anarchist hackers moonlighting as electronica DJs, and other characters straight out of an R Crumb comic, that's who. Happy hour is from 5pm to 7pm daily, but be warned: those sake cocktails will knock-knock you off your scavenged steampunk stool.
reviewed
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San Francisco Giants
Watch and learn how the World Series is won – bushy beards, women's underwear and all.
reviewed
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Zeitgeist
You've got two seconds flat to order from tough-gal barkeeps who are used to putting macho bikers in their place – but with 40 beers on draft available by the pint or pitcher, beer lovers are at a loss for words. When it's warm, regulars head straight to the bar's huge graveled beer garden to sit at long picnic tables and smoke out. Bring cash for the bar and SF's beloved Tamale Lady, who makes regular late-night appearances to serve homemade tamales steaming from a crock pot with sides of hot sauce and wisdom: 'Be nice to your mother, and your date too.'
reviewed
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Vesuvio
Guy walks into a bar, roars and leaves. Without missing a beat, the bartender says to the next customer, 'Welcome to Vesuvio, honey – what can I get you?' It takes a lot more than a barbaric yawp to get Vesuvio's regulars to glance up from their microbrewed beer and anesthetizing absinthe. Kerouac blew off Henry Miller to go on a bender here, and after knocking back his namesake drink (a small bucket of rum, tequila and OJ) with neighborhood characters, you'll get why.
reviewed
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Ritual Coffee Roasters
Cults wish they inspired the same devotion as Ritual, where lines head out the door for house-roasted cappuccino with ferns in the foam and specialty drip coffees with some genuinely bizarre flavor profiles – believe the whiteboard descriptions claiming certain coffee beans taste like grapefruit or hazelnut. Electrical outlets are limited to encourage conversation instead of IMing, so you can eavesdrop on people plotting their next dates, art projects and political protests.
reviewed
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Specs'
If you've ever wondered what you do with a drunken sailor, here's your answer: march that sailor down this hidden pedestrian alley and stow him away in the back of the bar, where he can wax nostalgic over Seven Seas mementos. With all the Merchant Marine memorabilia on the walls, your order is obvious: one pint of Anchor Steam, coming right up.
reviewed
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Oakland A’s
When the Giants are away, the A’s are usually home, which expands the possibilities for those desperate for a summer baseball fix. BART stops just outside the ballpark. The A’s most recent championship came at the Giants’ expense in the quake-addled 1989 series, and they remain fierce contenders. If you want to catch them in an interleague-play game, get your tickets early.
reviewed
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Gold Dust Lounge
Precarious Victorian brass chandeliers hover over a bar full of visitors and a twangy rockabilly band at this Union Square anachronism, where the gold paint has lost its glitter and pints are no longer cheap. But there's something of a time-machine effect in the swinging doors, coat stands and nude paintings – you almost expect someone to beckon you to a brothel upstairs.
reviewed
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Beretta
After shopping locally and seasonally on Valencia St, nothing hits the spot like Beretta's lip-smacking local, seasonal cocktails, made with fresh everything. Drink before and after peak dinner hours, when the small storefront restaurant-and-bar gets packed and deafeningly loud. You might be inclined to come back for cocktail classes.
reviewed
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Buena Vista Cafe
Warm your cockles with a prim little goblet of bitter-creamy Irish coffee, introduced to the US at this destination bar that once served sailors and cannery workers. The creaky Victorian floor manages to hold up carousers and families alike, served community-style at round tables overlooking the Wharf.
reviewed
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Medjool Sky Terrace
SF's best open-air rooftop bar has knockout views of vintage Mission street marquees, Mediterranean small plates and basic but tasty cocktails (cash-only). Go early for sunsets and prime spots by heat lamps; instead of heading into the downstairs restaurant, take the hotel elevator to the top floor.
reviewed
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Badlands
The Castro's long-standing dance bar gets packed with gay college boys, their screaming straight girlfriends and chicken hawks. If you're over 30, you'll feel old. Weekends, expect a line.
reviewed
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Li Po
Beat a hasty retreat from Grant Ave souvenir shops to the retro red booths where Allen Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac debated the meaning of life and literature under the patient gaze of the golden Buddha by the bar. Enter the faux-grotto doorway and try not to bump your head on the red lanterns as you place your order: beer or Chinese mai tai, made with baiju (rice liquor), better known as white lightning.
reviewed
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Doc's Clock
Follow the siren call of the dazzling neon sign into this mellow, green-certified dive for your choice of 14 local craft brews, free shuffleboard, Pac-Man, tricky old pinball games and easy conversation. Happy hours run 6pm to 9pm daily and all day Sundays, and the first Saturday of the month is 4pm to 8pm Doggie Happy Hour, with proceeds to support city dog rescues.
reviewed
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Trad'r Sam's
Island getaways in rattan booths at this threadbare tiki lounge will cure that Ocean Beach chill. You won't find beer on tap, but you may discover an ice-cream island in your cocktail. Classic-kitsch lovers order the Hurricane, which comes with two straws to share for a reason: drink it by yourself and it'll blow you away.
reviewed
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Lusty Lady
It’s owned by women, the strippers are unionized, and it operates like an old-fashioned peep show. Drop quarters into a slot in a private booth, and a nekkid woman dances behind glass till your quarters run out.
reviewed
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440 Castro
The most happening bar on the street, 440 Castro draws bearded, gym-fit 30-something dudes – especially for Thursday's 'CDXL', when go-go boys twirl – and an odd mix of Peter Pans for Monday's underwear night.
reviewed
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Tosca Cafe
Sean Penn, Bobby DeNiro and Sofia Coppola might lurk in the VIP room, but they'll probably be basing their next character study on regulars sipping caffe corretto (espresso 'corrected' with liquor) in the retro red-vinyl booth next to yours. Opera on Tosca's jukebox (with genuine 45rpm platters) sometimes has to compete with the thump-thump of Larry Flynt's Hustler Club next door, but Tosca wins for classic movie-star sex appeal.
reviewed
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San Francisco Opera
SF has been obsessed with opera since the Gold Rush, and it remains a staple on the social calendar. Blue bloods like Ann Getty always book the Tuesday A-series – the best nights to spot fabulous gowns and tuxedos. The gorgeous 1932 hall is cavernous and echoey, but there's no more glamorous seat in SF than the velvet-curtained boxes, complete with champagne service. The best midrange seats for sight lines and sound are in the front section of the dress circle. The balcony has the best sound but you'll need binoculars to see the stage, unless you come on 'Opera Vision' nights, when a huge screen shows the action on stage. (Don't sit directly beneath the flickering…
reviewed
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Blow Buddies
The original owner was a Disney fetishist and set out to recreate, with exacting detail, Disneyland-like attractions, with mazes and specialty-fetish rooms spread over 6000 sq ft of indoor-outdoor warehouse space. It's still the best sex club in town, and hot water, soap and mouthwash are supplied. Sundays around 8pm are best, but other nights can be positively dreary: count coats in the coat-check through the barred window by the entrance to make sure there are at least 30 (call about the Wednesday night fetish parties). Note: no cologne, or they won't let you in.
reviewed
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Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theater
This infamous strip joint remains open, long after one of the founding brothers murdered the other. Jim and Artie Mitchell opened the theater in 1969 and began making porn, including the legendary Deep Throat, starring Marilyn Chambers. At its prime, the Mitchells' multimillion-dollar empire included a production company and 11 California theaters. But the Mitchell brothers went the way of Cain and Abel, when Jim shot and killed Artie in 1991. He was convicted of voluntary manslaughter and served six years; a heart attack killed him in 2007. Despite its tawdry background, the O'Farrell Theater is generally regarded as a classy place (with a capital k). Even if you don't…
reviewed
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Teatro Zinzanni
Inside a 19th-century Spiegeltent (an opulent Belgian traveling-circus tent) top circus talent flies overhead, a celeb-diva croons and clowns pull wacky stunts as you dig into a surprisingly good five-course dinner or Sunday lunch. This ain't no B-grade dinner theater: a 'clown-wrangler' seeks out world-class talent in Europe and Asia, and the acts, menu and performers are refreshed quarterly. Former stars have included Joan Baez and Broadway's Liliane Montevecchi. Dress for dinner, and arrive early to see the over-the-top harmonium and boutique selling tiaras and ostrich-feather opera gloves (ideal if you're underdressed). Expect audience participation – especially if…
reviewed
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Redwood Room
We love the landmark Redwood Room, with its walls paneled from a single ancient redwood tree. For years it was San Francisco’s most iconic bar, inside one of its most storied hotels. Then Philippe Starck got hold of the place, making it horrifically trendy, mounting plasma screens on the walls (sin of sins), installing his now-tired-looking signature furniture, and raising cocktail prices through the roof. Still, it’s worth seeing the room on a quiet weeknight, but never on weekends, when Carrie Bradshaw wannabes jam the place and aggressive bouncers fail to remember they exist in service of guests, not the other way round.
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Oakland Raiders
With three Super Bowl championship wins, the notorious bad boys of the NFL have had their ups and downs over the years, but they have the staunchest, rowdiest fans in the western US. The team ungratefully moved to Los Angeles for 12 years, but returned in 1995, the prodigal football club, to Oakland’s open arms. It’s been football bliss in Oakland ever since, unlike in SF, where in 2009 the 49ers were in final negotiations with Santa Clara County to build a new stadium and leave SF behind. Given the choice between a 20-minute BART ride to Oakland and a 40-mile drive to Santa Clara…well, we wish the 49ers luck.
reviewed
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Poleng Lounge
Tea-infused cocktails and soju (grain alcohol) drinks are specialties at this Filipino-street-food restaurant that becomes a cool DJ lounge after 10pm, drawing scenester locals for underground hip-hop, rooted in late-‘80s, top-40, not gangster. Black Eyed Peas used to do a free weekly jam at Poleng years ago. Now it’s a hive of industry insiders – Rza, leader of the Wu-Tang Clan, hangs here. The front room is way sexier, with Asian statuary and water trickling down textured-concrete walls; the back room is for dancing (when it happens), but it’s little more than a box with kick-ass sound. No need to dress fancy.
reviewed