- 31 March 2010
- 7:52am
- Filed under
Other
10 ways solo travelers can beat loneliness
Robert ReidLonely Planet author
Remember that Mel Gibson film What Women Want*? Where his character, Nick Marshall, could hear the thoughts of women for a bit?
I’m feeling a little like a Nick Marshall this week (not Mel), as Lonely Planet is joined Self magazine on Wednesday to talk to Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb on the Today Show about, well, what women want in travel, why travel’s healthy to do, and why women should STILL do it if you can’t get lame friends and family to join up on that classic two-week trip around Ireland.
–> See the Today Show segment here
That’s right, Kathie Lee, Hoda, Self’s Cristina Tudino and me — all talking about women. Love it.
Now, traveling alone is something I certainly know something I know about. I’ve spent 14 months on the road alone while researching for Lonely Planet the past five years – from the Yucatán and Nebraska to the Trans-Siberian Railway and Transylvania. And talking up solo travel is an EASY EASY sell – for all travelers.
You meet more people, you’re more patient and observant – and more accessible. Plus it’s a liberation to not have to jockey competing dining interests and beach activity preferences. Just do what you want, for a change. Everyone owes it to themselves to do it once.
Of course, everyone — even travel vets like travel writers – can get those ‘first day blues’ in a new place. But here are 10 ways to beat loneliness on the road:
1. SET UP ‘COFFEE DATE’ IN ADVANCE. Before you go, beg your friends – via Facebook, email or phone – to hook up with their friends’ friends to set up a coffee or drink date with a local on your first day or two. It sits there like a little life preserver – something to do, someone to see, early on while you’re still getting rooted in a new place. You never know where it’ll lead. One time I managed to track down – friend of friend of friend – the ex-prime minister of Bulgaria, Philip Dimitrov, who happily invited me to coffee. At Dunkin’ Donuts in Sofia.
2. EVEN ODDS BY STAYING IN SMALL GUESTHOUSES. Some 85% of the women polled in the LP/Self poll said they want to socialize on vacation. Who do you think stands the better chance of socializing – a lone guest in a 500-room resort, or one in a 10-room B&B or guesthouse with a common dining and TV room? Also those smaller places tend to have more personal staff, sometimes the owners!, who help steer you directly to the places you want to be.
3. YES, GO TO VISITOR’S CENTERS. They have to talk to you. Particularly on a first day, drop by for the free map, and ask about walking tours and cooking classes and cafes with local events. While updating the Colombia guide last year, I befriended several staff members at one central office in fun Andean capital Bogotá, ended up meeting their friends for dinners and clubs throughout my stay.
4. TAKE WALKING TOURS & DAY TRIPS. Best early in a trip, a walking tour gives you the lay of the land you’re in, plus you can talk with the guide and like-minded travelers. It’s also true for bike tours or day trips to nearby wineries or pyramids. In Southeast Asia and parts of South America it’s practically impossible to not make friends as you go.
5. TAKE COOKING CLASSES. Speaking of which, another classic way to get rooted into a local network is learning to make food. You can find these options all over – Tuscany, Mexico, Vietnam. I’ve done it once, in the gorgeous ancient Chinese trading town Hoi An, Vietnam – where you reach a slick culinary school by boat, then finish eating your (and your classmates’) creations. I’m lousy at cooking — still am — but it was a great day, and went snorkeling the next day with a couple I met there.
6. STUDY FOREIGN LANGUAGES. One of the most underrated trips Americans should take alone is study-abroad trips, particularly to study Spanish in places like Mexico or Guatemala. You can get one-on-one training, live with a family, and even contribute to local communities as a volunteer — and pay under $200 a week including room/board/tuition in places like Antigua, Guatemala (one of the prettiest towns of the Americas). Plus you learn a lot (if you try). I’ve spent four two-week vacations this way, and can’t wait to take my wife and one-year-old daughter some day to do the same – as a vacation.
7. VOLUNTEER TO HELP ENGLISH STUDY GROUPS. This is a goldmine for local interaction. In countries speaking other languages, there are usually locals wanting to practice English – offer to meet some over coffee or a drink. It often leads to more meetings, sometimes a home-cooked meal or an invite to some local disco.
8. TAKE BOOKS INTO RESTAURANTS. One of the biggest concerns we saw in the Self/LP poll was eating alone. I hear you. It’s not easy walking into a loud, busy restaurant for dinner filled with happy tipsy couples – and you. Always take a book or journal as a security blanket. Or set up at the bar, possibly by a TV – so you don’t feel too self-conscious. Better yet, opt for sidewalk seats. People-watching is a universally accepted exercise. Just do it like you want nothing more than to sit alone and STARE at people. People respect that. Also choose your books carefully. Some people will even talk to you if the book you set out is something that begs a comment (eg a guidebook or How to Maim Grizzlies in 40 Seconds BY HAND).
9. GO TO SHOWS. At the theater or concerts, not only can a solo traveler grab that last isolated seat on the front row easier than a late-comer couple looking for side-by-side seats, but once the lights dim all the audience everyone’s equal. All focus is on the stage. In intermission chat with neighbors in your row, and see about post-show drinks to discuss that disastrous cello interlude. (‘What was Dmitry Dmitrovich thinking?’)
10. ALWAYS SAY ‘YES,’ WELL WITHIN REASON. Invitations will come. Leave your itinerary loose, so you don’t have to pass on that invite from the sweet Bavarian family to picnic in the mountains so you can see a house Mozart may or may not have lived at. Personal interactions like this will always be more memorable. In Russia, I’ve had a dozen such encounters. Once in Khabarovsk, a deeply moustached man wanted to show me his bees – I went, and watched him cull the honey from hives on a gorgeous riverside setting that Chekhov gushed about on his trip across Siberia in 1890. I couldn’t have seen it if I hadn’t said ‘yes.’ (And I didn’t get stung either.)
–> All this adds up to, yes, you can go alone — it’s fun and rewarding and even transformative, plus when you get back and share the tales, you can bet your friends or family will line up to follow you anywhere you go next time!
Any others great tips on traveling alone? Submit your answers here. The best tip before April 9 wins a copy of Lonely Planet’s new Discover series to your favorite destination: Great Britain, France, Italy, Spain, Ireland, Japan, Australia or Thailand.
*The film, also starring Helen Hunt, actually turns 10 on December 15. Stay tuned for more ‘WWW’ events – and when that day comes let us all party like it’s 2000.
Funny, I wrote a post about this last Tuesday on my own travel site. Well, here it is as my tip
http://suzyguese.com/curing-the-solo-travel-loneliness-monster/
I like to travel with a netbook so I can connect with family and friends. And the Thorn Tree forum is an invaluable source of info whilst travelling. My tripod broke whilst setting up for sunrise at Angkor Wat and a TT member kindly offered me the use of one!
If you wanna meet locals, go couchsurfing!! http://www.couchsurfing.org/ Easy way to get to know the people, there habbits, the food…. and if you’re lucky they show you where to go next!
It can be a good idea to keep a notepad and pen – Not only that you will look like a more interesting person to talk to – but also, even if nothing works out, you will have a treasure trove of memories stored in the notepad! :)
SMILE…the best advice is the simplest. Just smile. Smile while you walk down the street, at the person next to you on the bus or behind you in line. I’m living as the only student in the home of a Peruvian famiy. I don’t speak the language and a city of over 8 million is a lot different than small town Nebraska but nothing starts a conversation like a nod and a smile:)
Great ideas here! I’d also like to add visiting a Buddhist monastery in Southeast Asia. As a solo female traveler in Thailand and Cambodia, I enjoyed more than one opportunity to converse with a Buddhist monk. They are always eager to practice their English and I get a better understanding of Buddhism and their daily life. Many monasteries also offer free meditation classes. @lorraineya
One idea I have used a few times : go to a full bar. And find a table that’s not full. Go and ask if you can sit there. Quite rarely will people refuse and most of the time after a while you will end having a good chat with them. Best I like where you have live music, sports game on TV … gives a good start for the talk.
I agree also the book solution in some bars can be good also. Take a book with some funny drawings in the front to attract attention.
Other obvious thing to do : start talking to your neighbour in bus, train … not only it can help you pass the long travelling time but you can have some good surprises. Also it can be good fun if language communication is limited as you have time to make some drawings to help in some basic chit chat conversation.
My dream is to start in Alaska, and go down (west coast) to south Chile, it’s going to take a year maybe, would like to do this, where possible by car and alone. Has any of you done this yourself, please contact me!
I’m a women 66 years old, but the spirit is young.
Nice one
Stay off facebook and your ipod. You have to approach people, keep your posture open and welcoming and this will seed calming signals to your new friends.
dear robert,
funny enough i’ve spent 2 years in khabarovsk, the last place tourists will meet. when do you plan to visit adritic coast, jewel of croatia?
Agree (a lot) for the smile and the “stay away of Facebook and IPod”. I would like to add: ask people questions… I am without a watch and without GPS, doing a biking trip… then i have to ask for a lot of things.. Where to eat, to sleep, how to get to the next town.. It sometimes takes time to get understood, or to understand the answer, but i communicate a lot with the locals like that!! But i am still waiting for the day someone will invite me at its place for a meal!! :-\
Blessing in disguise to completely de-attach yourself from the life as you live it once and a while. My tip: also de-attach from all the Facebook’s, notebooks and fellow countrymen wining about this or that hotel and hook up with the locals by volunteering. Ended up in an orphanage in Tanzania on my last trip, doing some repairing on the premises for a couple of days. Thankful work, very relaxed and truly a great experience..
Share your food. I have found that sharing food (or the offer) breaks down a number of barriers. In hostels, invite whoever is passing to join you for dinner, and, if ingredients available, share in the cooking. Most backpackers are so tired of eating for one, that they will gladly go in, and before you know it you have a party of five or so people sharing a dinner. In other situations share food with those around you, e.g. on a bus. Even if people reject the offer of food, it often breaks a simple barrier, enabling conversation.
Tip: buy a houseplant- an instant best friend.
It’s so nice to nurture something while you are involved in your own personal growth. My tiny little Weeping Fig (fitting name) has heard many of my tales of woe. Plus, they like the carbon dioxide. At the end of your stay, give it to a beloved student as a reminder of your “growth”.
First learn & then practice “Yoga” or meditation closer to public travel spots often frequented by curious travelers. Anyone in the world would be interested in learning Yoga from a fellow traveler, that too without shelling additional penny….spirituality could be a source for interpersonal bonding while on travel.
Dear hel1mira
You have a beautiful dream and I wish you will make it come true soon. I myself dream of traveling the world, start in Australia and make my way back to Canada by going everywhere on the way
Sign in or register to add your comment