Not cut out to be a 'good' travel companion....

The truth is there all along but until now, I refused to recognise that I am just not cut out to be a 'good' travel companion.

I value my own independence too much. Prefer to do my own thing, enjoy my own company thus finding it too confining to travel with someone for long. I think I can manage one week, perhaps more but only if it is possible for us to go our separate ways for awhile.

Does this mean that I have the making of a solo traveller? Perhaps time will tell. Any ideas about how to say to a travel companion that it is not meant to be, that it is best for me to go off on my own?

Would love to hear your thoughts. :)

Lee

What have you been doing up to now? Not going anywhere, or not going anywhere unless someone went along ? Unless that travel companion is a spouse or family member, or paying for everything, there's no reason to be with him or her in the first place.

Solo is the only option for me, and I highly recommend it. But you and I differ a lot since meeting other people is not one of my interests, or reasons for going somewhere.

Anyway, saying "it is best for me to go off on my own" sounds good to me.

oh dear... have you had another bad experience? i am mainly a solo traveller, and have no problem staying that way... however when i travel i often team up with another traveller for as long as it's convenient and pleasant for both of us. no problems saying good bye... no excuses... just moving on.

Not another bad experience, no but I have found that travelling with someone crammed my need for personal space. Thank goodness I had the foresight to insist on a couple of days break before we meet up again in Lake Como.

I think my mistake is thinking that I am flexible enough to make it work, and it did up to a certain point. However, I soon discovered it almost impossible to enjoy personal space whilst we shared a car and staying in places where we were reliant on driving everywhere. Don't get me wrong I do appreciate that I get to see places where it would be almost impossible to get to without a car. Another plus is, halving the cost of accommodation but still the part that yearns to be a free spirit again is greater. Now, I just have to find courage to let my tc know that after Lake Como, it is time for us to separate.

I had been dragging my heels

Now, I just have to find courage to let my tc know that after Lake Como, it is time for us to separate.

It's entirely possible, of course, that she feels the same way and is wary of telling YOU.
Not that there's anything wrong with you - I enjoyed our day together and am looking forward to tomorrow.:>))

But travelling with someone shouldn't be a tied-at-the-hip experience. Which it becomes if you set off together. So don't be afraid to tell her you need your own space, and arrange to meet up at meal times, or decide in the morning if your plans coincide and, if not, go your own separate ways for the day.

Last year I went on a two-week trip to Cornwall with a guy I'd travelled with (by coincidence - we met on the train to the ferry in Aswan) in Sudan two years earlier. We said, if we were still talking to each other when we got home, that would be a plus. Because we're both solo travellers.
But every day he went off for a walk on his own for a couple of hours, and we're still good friends.

Hi,

I usually just go alone if, on rare occasions, I do bump into someone along the trail and travel with them it is always made clear that it is just a travel arrangement plain and simple. There are obvious pluses and minuses with travelling alone and solo. I always am happy alone, in company I have had mixed experiences - from good through ok to diabolical. Maybe it is me.

If you have to "manage 1 week" then you should have bailed before. It strikes me that you like to travel alone but love to meet up. Prearranged or not there are benefits to this surely. Do not be confined by travelling with someone for "too long" just be a loner for most of the time with short interludes of mutually agreeable companionship. That does not make you a not 'good' travel companion. Enjoy your travels.

Do what's right for you - there's no 'right' way to travel. If you like going on your own - go on your own. You'll meet people, maybe spend a day or so together, then move on.

Some people tremble at the idea of travelling alone - all those crumbling hotels without someone else to see the funny side, the solitary meals. While others love it - they always do what they want to do without reminding a travelling companion to carry toilet paper.

I love travelling on my own - I feel I meet so many more people that way. And sometimes I team up with someone for a few days.

Go - try it - you'll find out what works best for you.

Thanks, guys for your words of encouragement and wisdom.

Hooray! I just booked my flight from Barcelona to London for 3 July. So, from 24 June, I will most likely team up with another tc but we have decided to share accommodation only but spend the days apart doing our own thing.

Most likely we will travel from one place to another together until after Barcelona where we will split. Tc to head off to Amsterdam and I to London.

Go_2, looking forward to catching up with you tomorrow and hopefully after 3 July.

OMG! I can't believe how the days fly as my departure date from London is 14 July. But, as the Terminator says "I will be back." lol

p/s I have also found the courage to let the other tc know of my travel plan after Lake Como. :)

p/s/s Brax, was hoping to meet you somewhere in the midlands but as I have decided to opt out for Europe, it has to be another trip. :)

Hi,

Hmm I would prefer Europe to me also he he. Enjoy those travels.

I got stuck with a real "bludger" as their called in Australia. One who wouldn't pull his weight, even if he hung himself.

He\d finish a meal and say, learing,"Why should I spend my own money."

But I owe him for that. I've enjoyed my own company, better than split decisions, ever since.

Hi,

"Stuck" gawkabout? One time would be the maximum for me - even then he would be lucky to leave the building in one piece. Don't you just love the lowlife?

We were working in the outback for a while. Then quit our jobs at the mine together. I couldn't get rid of him till Perth.

Life is a bitch and then ya die.

Solo travel, street sense, and serendipity rule!

Hi Lee,

I identify with you regarding not being a good travel companion. However, I believe if the tone and all things are understood upfront and a the very beginning, it miminizes the chances of disappointments and frustration. I have decided if I have a contact with whom I might consider a travel companion, I will have it understood that we will have separate rooms and when dining out , pay our own expenses. In other words, having a travel companion for being just that...a companion for sightseeing, sharing cab fare, companion for meals, etc.

I avoid+- talking with my own nationality.
"Where ya from, where ya been" is white noise.

What can you really learn.... from that?
They don't care about you either.

I thank sweet dyin' Jesus, ny friends chickened out on 1963. Wnder how many wives they've been through. But not really.

AIN'T NO LUGGAGE RACKS
On A HURSE.

I have always travelled with 2 friends and I want to try doing it solo for a change.

Emmlittle - have you heard the phrase "I am never less alone than when alone" ?

When you travel solo you meet many more people. And you can choose whether or not to spend time with them. For as long or as short as you both like.
When you travel with others you're stuck with them. And no-one likes to break into your companionship.

Have fun! When you've done it once, you'll never want to travel with others again

Right on, go_2!!!
WELL PUT.

BTW, I sure enjoyed meeting you in Sevilla maravilla.

I hope too do it again.
Birds of a feather department.

I enjoyed meeting you too, Gawks.

Am currently getting myself prepared for the long drop - oops! sorry - long walk - from Sevilla to Santiago, same time next year.

But I may be heading up a whole posse of 'Older Travellers', most of them not from this site but from a centre I go to where we hang out and do things like zumba, and belly dancing, and tai chi, etc.
I haven't actually 'advertised' it yet, but have a couple of bites already.

Key to success, as I've told/shall tell those interested is that we make our own pace and meet up at the end of the day - or week, even.
There will be no 'hand-holding' (except perhaps for the guy in the wheelchair, if he decides to come too.)

Hasta la vista, baby. See you next year., :>D

Spot on Go_2!

If I was travelling with someone right now I would be able to interact with so many locals as I have been doing. Yesterday, in a short lull in the HEAVY rain, I bused it to a local village to look up an old acquaintance from previous trips to Fiji. Found the village, deserted, and was about to return to Nadi when I saw an open door, and a hand beckoning me to approach. I did; as it turned out, the hand belonged to an astonished nephew of the woman in question, and he and his nephew were in the middle of lunch. They invited me inside - he did so because he thought I looked lost - and after finding out that I was looking for his aunt he said that she was in Nadi, so his nephew set off in the rain to walk to Nadi to find her. Meanwhile, older nephew and I sat and discussed anything and everything, even touching on the current state of affairs in Fiji, a taboo subject for the citizens. The rain wouldn't give up, it was steamy hot, the small house was another one bordering on squalid, and I had a whale of a time.

The nephew eventually returned, soaked to the skin, to say that he couldn't break into the church service that 'auntie' was involved in. So unfortunately even though I had to get back to Nadi without catching up with her I went back to Nadi when the rain eventually took another break, and immediately ran into the woman's daughter-in-law and another relative, who invited me back the next day (can't make it, though, I'm going elsewhere). I had spent nearly 3 hours in delightful company, and although uncomfortably hot, sticky, wet, and thirsty, I thoroughly enjoyed the unexpected visit with total strangers, and, as usual, Fijian hospitality. I'm pretty sure if I was travelling with anyone - apart from anyone on this tree branch :-) - they'd not have been able to cope with the heat and/or dirt. Well, none of my friends could; I can hear the whining right now.

I also managed track down two other friends from the old days, one of whom has invited me to spend the night in her village with her and her husband, tonight. Wouldn't be able to do that if there was someone else with me. So, rather selfishly, for me it's solo, unless the travel buddy is of like mind.

This is a really interesting post that made me think about my own travel style. I like at least one solo trip a year for the complete freedom from compromise that it gives me.

I usually try and avoid any more than perfunctory contact with other travellers and stay in small business hotels hoping to avoid other English speaking guests as much as possible.

There are still enough interactions with other people to satisfy that need for human contact but without having to do something or go somewhere you don’t really want to.

The only times I could do with company are on weekend evenings or in holiday resorts where everyone else seems to be in a group.

I went solo to a trendy Wok restaurant in Bogota on a Saturday night and the waitress actually laughed out loud when she realised I was alone.

For those reasons I think your trip to Spain sounds great, to go your own way during the day and an arrangement to meet in the evening must be the best of both worlds.

However the idea of sharing a room or a dormitory with someone unless it was someone more than just a fellow traveller would never suit me. That mental space when you shut the door behind you is one of the highlights of solo travel.

That mental space when you shut the door behind you is one of the highlights of solo travel.

How different we all are! For me, that 'mental space' - if in a hotel - represents a prison cell; one that I've actually PAID to inhabit.
I much prefer hostels with (small) dorms, where you have the human contact without the responsibility.

I may have told this on this thread b4;

My first afternoon in an all Spanish clientel cafetería. A waiter came to my table.

He said,"Listen. If you ever run short of cash, you come see me. We'll escriben en la calumna.(write it on the column.) You pay me, when you can. But only pay at night, when the boss is gone."

Two days later, the boss offered me credit.
They'd never seen me b4!

Hispanic credit in Seville and Costa Rica;

If the boss remembers you from times b4. And he sees you're a little short for buying something; He might say,"Go ahead and take it home. Bring me the rest, next time."

Hi

Thanks for the continued interest in this topic. :)

I have been reflecting on the different travelling styles of different travel companions I have been with recently. For instance, I certainly could not travel with someone who is fixated with what they can and can't eat; a tc who felt that it is imperative that he/she must adopt similar habits when they are travelling as when they are at home. Aaarrrggghhhh!

Someone who is needy, who constantly vocalised "what is the plan for today?" And, who chatters without drawing a breath. Lol

I am now travelling with a tc who is impulsive and changes the travel 'plan' as we go along and that is fine as we both agree that we will stay together as long as it suits us, that it is ok to go our separate way and meet up later.

I am now so glad to be travelling with someone who suits my temperament, someone as outgoing as myself and who is ok to do it alone. :)

Only if they don't spit bits of food on me. Lol

Naturally they can do it to anyone else.

Not even one who talks with their mouth full of food?

its hard to be a good travel companion, even after all the talks prior, someone else becomes bossy and you end upn dong what they want, you just have to put your foot down and say, this is what i would like to do/see today, if they don't like it, then you can seperate and do your own thing, its the worst thing i can think of, that i did, always agree with the other person, i didn't do what i wanted to do, and it was my trip too - all good now though, took 1 year to get over it.

I like my own space, and let travel companions know that in advance. The companions I get on best with are those who are able to do their own thing for at least some of the time, and let me do the same. I am happy to take others to a place I know, and introduce them to the locals, then let them do their thing.
I can share rooms if the roommate can cope with my need to read before I sleep, and possibly have an afternoon nap. I would not cope in a dorm, and would always prefer a private room, preferably with en suite. However, I often stay with friends, and can manage sharing a room with several other women, if in a village, for example, in the Solomons.
I travelled for two weeks in New Zealand with a friend who snores very loudly -we coped by only sharing rooms on about half the nights - the others we got somewhere where there was at least a door between us. We also spent a couple of nights doing different things - we both had friends we wanted to see, and spent several days visiting our own friends. Both of us live alone, and value our time alone.
I am also happy travelling alone, including long road trips, where I meet up with friends in other parts of the country.

I am travelling well with my present tc. True a couple of times I (and I am sure it would be the same for her) would like to go off in different directions but it works out in the end.

Currently, we are staying in Rupit, a medieval town in Spain. Took seven changes of public transport which included a taxi for the last 15 kms for us to reach the lovely hostel we booked but it was worth it when we were on the way there. Our journey to Rupit was not helped by the cancellation of the train from Montpellier. A poor soul decided to suicide on that line, hence delay of the train, which meant we missed our last bus to Rupit. I would have given up quiet sometime ago but didn't count on the determination of tc. Come hell or high water, tc was determined to get us there. Lol

Lee52, Ithink that you are a little like me - more likely to go out of your comfort zone if with someone else. It is usually worth it, though.

What I have discovered is that given the right circumstances and if I am lucky with teaming up with a right companion, I prefer to travel with a companion. My tc must be comfortable with going off on her own so we can split up for the day or a day or two.

As I am a lazy traveller in that I like to take the soft and safe option, it is great to have a tc that as Ozziegiraffe pointed out prepared to take charge and push me out of my comfort zone.

I am prepared to take charge but really prefer to stay in the background unless my tc insisted that I do my bit. hey! perhaps I am cut out to be a good tc after all. lol

i am curious lee... who are these changing tcs? where do you find them? were thry arranged for before you left? i know i often travel for short periods of time with people i meet up with as i travel, if we are heading in the same direction.... but your tcs seen more planned, and you appear less able to get rid of them. Casual travel companions are easy to ditch.

Why have to miss something you're curious about, if your tc is in a hurry or doesn't like that stuff. Or he/she insists on translated menus.

Eat where locals eat. They speak some WEnglish, if they think you really care.

The more time I spend on trips, the fewer yanks I talk with. For the above reason.

I can only cope with someone for three or so days then I need my own space, even just for a few hours, that's the way I am and I am not changing for anyone.

Yeah. On family trips, we finally discovered we get along better, if we take a total day off from the clan.

And don't tell 'em what we're going to do with it.

Canayjun, these tcs contacted me before I left for London. We had planned to meet in London, travel a bit, split and then meet up again. Julie's spontaneous travel style suits me rather then the other tc.

Needing personal Space has always been an issue for two of us whereas, the other tc, although considerate, enjoys routine and could not be as flexible as I like. I find it difficult to travel with someone who has fussy eating habits, must have their eight hours sleep, must have their breakfast as soon as they wake up, etc, etc

Perhaps it is best if I go solo and tag along if I find a compatible tc. ;)

another question... were these tc's people you already knew??? Met ionline? friends of friends?