New to this but well lived !

Came across this forum today - I like it. I see there are many 'innocent travellers' out there so count your lucky stars I'm here to help !
If you need some advice on how to travel, where to travel, what to do, what not to do, how to act with the locals, when to be aggressive (and some tips on fighting - you'll need my help with that), how to barter, help with Spanish (I learnt with the locals so speak perfect), I can help with all that. I've travelled the proper way, not 'touristing' - there's a big difference ! I always say that if you aint gonna travel, then don't get on the plane !
Anyway, any advice you need (and I can see you are all a bit lost with what real travelling means), then just send me a message. I'll help you become a proper trekker. I've helped hundreds of people on my travels and when they write to me, they even call me Indiana James (James is my name). !!! I have even been called a travelling hero !
Well, they are only names, but just call me James if you like for now. Once you know me, you'll probably call me a hero too ! That's just me !

Here to help, so message me.
J.

oh great master... please show me the way!

Troll score 5.3/10

Excuse me but I am NOT a troll. Trolls are cowards. I certainly aint ! I am here to help so if you have nothing to say, then don't say anything. I can see from your posts that you are a mere tourist.

TROLL

No peewee, read Post No.2.

Tourist.

SHOW ME THE WAY THEN!!! I AM HERE FOR YOU TEACHINGS OH HOLY ONE!!!

I'm not a priest. I can't redeem you.
Not that you'd need much redemption from your soft-core tourism.

I would like to do a sub urban tour to the shining towns of Lima... Would you please give some advice.

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<hr>when to be aggressive (and some tips on fighting - you'll need my help with that)<hr></blockquote>I think I prefer to stay soft-core, thank you very much......

You claim to be a traveller and you hide behind that pansy Thorn Tree World moniker. Sounds like some 13 year old kid who has never been past the mall.

Bob, I don't know what would be more pathetic: if this was a 13 y/o kid like you say, or if this guy actually believes he is this much better than everyone else. Either way, I don't see him lasting more than 3 days on here!

I am looking for a good hotel in Fuerte Apache, Buenos Aires. So please Indy, I am waiting for your advice.

Can you recommend me a Bs 10 place in Uyuni where the girls speak English?

Indiana James? I'm sorry I've never heard of you, but those that have replied to your rather egotistic rant are folks that regularly reply to questions here. If you were at all informed about travel you would know that, as I don't believe there are too many travelers out there that don't know about LP's Thorn Tree Form. So get in line and answer questions for a while and if your lucky maybe someone will give you the respect you seem to believe you deserve.

sounds to me like you are all a bunch of envious tourists, not man enough to go out and do some real travelling like me. How was your jungle experience ? Oh of course, a nice air-conditioned hotel, or for the very adventurous, the 1 night stay at the Amazan cabin with mosquito nets !!! Real travellers sleep rough, on the jungle floor with just a knife as company for any predators. That's me, but of course you tourists wouldn't understand that.
No I can't recommend any hotels because I sleep in the main plazas of the city, just me, my knife and local bread. That's what real travellers do, and I have the scars to prove it. What do you all have ?? A rash ? Ahhh, you poor babies.

J.

'Steve20050' - I presume that is short for Stephanie, 'cos you must be a girl making comments like that. Do you want to pull my hair now ?

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<hr>No I can't recommend any hotels because I sleep in the main plazas of the city, just me, my knife and local bread. That's what real travellers do, and I have the scars to prove it.<hr></blockquote>
Pussy.

I'm a real traveller but I don't sleep rough, instead I sleep with the locals. Free room, free food, and I get a unique insight into the culture. If you were a real traveller instead of a poser you'd follow my technique.

"free room, free food" - you dirty scrounger, getting freebies from poor people. You should be ashamed of yourself. I GIVE food to the locals. Stay at home and scrounge off your government, not off poor local natives of South America.

I spit on you on behalf of all Latins.

The scars might put the locals off though?

actually no, the local women actually bathe them with cotton wool, and I thought it only happened in films. I suppose their native instinct tells them what a real man is when they see one.

In Bolivia real men are scornful of cotton-wool types like yourself and use bits of dried llama foetus dipped in campesino's bathwater (when they can get hold of it, it being a very scarce commodity).

So you sleep in the local plazas, I'm sure the locals must love you! You must smell great as well! How do you find the time to spend all day online, thats kinda "tourist" if you ask me.

Is OP really altitudeman?

In Bolivia, real men are 5 feet tall so what are we comparing here ? Anyway, I'm sure throwing dead llamas over my body would just make me smell rather than add to my masculinity.

If you've been to SA, you'll know that almost all plazas have a fountain, so that's where I wash, shave, clean my teeth and do my necessities.

If I'm here online wasting valuable travelling time, it's because you all need a helping hand. Wherever else I go I am treated like a travelling God. What is wrong with you all ? I offer help, and this is the response I get.

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<hr>In Bolivia, real men are 5 feet tall so what are we comparing here ?<hr></blockquote>Tus comentarios sobre la poblacion indigena, tanto hombres como mujeres, me parecen no solo extremadamente machista, pero hasta un poco racista. Si te tratan como un Dios sera porque tienen miedo de la navaja!

amen batara!

His English is too good to be Altitudeman, plus his responses are actually understandable. I give a higher score than #1 just for the entertainment value.

Batara, you'll really have to improve your terrible Spanish if you want to be properly understood. Sort out your 'it' and 'they', or better still, don't speak at all.
Nothing 'machista' in calling someone small is there ? I can't see any racism in that either.

Mere tourists, the lot of you ! (more spitting)

Classic!

Cole... you have a point...unless Altitudeman's drugs wore off. Still.. this clown seems to have been around before. Cyclotouriste? OP... what do you know about 9/11?

I was walking in San Francisco yesterday and there was this hardened lady sleeping on a bench, then she got up and bathed in a fountain in the plaza, OP, per chance was that your mom?

You must be South American. Only they seem to have the lack of argumentative depth which does not allow them to offend without bringing the Mother's/Wife's/Sister's name into the game. I will not retaliate with the same. Mothers should always be respected, even yours...

I am not Altitudeman - that is somewhat offensive given his obvious lack of, well, anything (anything positive that is). I am who I say I am and I have no idea why one would doubt it.

shoe spitting

Is that a no then? You got me, I am as South American as they come, born and raised in the south american state of California! Moron

Are you an expert at riding horses (or llamas) perchance?

And just to put the record straight: only in the Bolívarian Republic of Collastan would a 5' tall male be considered to be a "real man". In the Nación Camba he would be considered a side-show exhibit at ExpoCruz.

Hey OP... How come you haven't answered any of the posts on the branch yet? If you are so smart why aren't you helping any of the folks who are asking for help? Have you ever been to South America? Let's see some proof.

"Moron", mm, irm, nice Johnny U, offending behind the safety of a PC screen. How manly of you. Small pecker the problem or is it simply a lack of vocabulary ???

Sounds like somebody is feeling slightly landlocked. There are other countries within a fairly immediate geography you know. You should try and get out a bit.

OK Bobby boy, what proof do you want ?

you got it bro, california land locked, you may want to check your source on that story.

Day #2 at the form. I'm not sure this thread will survive to day three.

oh dear Johnny U...think before answering...the World does not revolve around you (that was a clue to your error).

Hey Indi,

You sound hella cool. Can you give me some tips about fighting? I know that as a real traveller I am going to have to fight the locals to gain their respect.

Also where can I buy a cool hat like the one you wore in the movies?

Tips on killing snakes are also much appreciated.

Day #2 indeed. I hope the thread survives. This is so much fun.

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<hr>Tus comentarios sobre la poblacion indigena, tanto hombres como mujeres, me parecen no solo extremadamente machista, pero hasta un poco racista. Si te tratan como un Dios sera porque tienen miedo de la navaja!<hr></blockquote><blockquote>Quote
<hr>Batara, you'll really have to improve your terrible Spanish<hr></blockquote><blockquote>Quote
<hr>Sort out your 'it' and 'they'<hr></blockquote> There isn't even an 'it' in the sentence, nor a 'they' where an 'it' is required. Your 'excellent Spanish' is letting you down a bit, Jimmy.

oh dear, a grammar fight. Love it.

Ok, take this upper-cut pronoun on the chin, and take this iron-fisted adverb on the nose.

You still standing ?

LOL ... :o)