A recent thread on another branch prompted me to think about this issue of staying with family or friends when travelling. A lot of people see this as a way to 'travel on a shoestring'.
I have had the good fortune (and misfortune) to have lived in several places in the world that are considered attractive places to visit by many people. Because of that, I have had quite a few family and friends visit me in those places.
I also often read threads here on the TT where someone says something like, 'I can stay with family in X and that will help stretch my budget' etc.
I think it is important to think about what this means from both sides of the coin. As a traveller, I have visited family and friends in other countries from time to time but I have rarely stayed in their homes. Primarily because I prefer my privacy. As a resident of somwhere I have had family and friends ask to stay with me and in some cases I have agreed and in other cases have not. Here are some thoughts on the do's and don'ts of the issue.
First and foremost, do make sure you are welcome beforehand, don't just show up and expect to be welcomed. You may think this is just common sense but I can assure you people do just show up at the door.
Do let your family or friend tell you how long you will be welcome for, don't say something like, 'we thought we might come and stay with you for 2 weeks in July'. That puts a lot of people in an awkward position. Not everyone knows how to say that they are not happy with the idea of you showing up for 2 weeks in July or whatever. So it is much better to ask in such a way that they volunteer both when and for how long you would be welcome. This may well be the most important point to consider.
Just because aunt Mary lives in Canada doesn't mean they will be happy to have you stay for months. Especially if they have never met you before. Who knows if you will even get along together? As for how long a second cousin will be welcome for, don't even ask. Bear in mind the saying by Benjamin Franklin, ' Fish and visitors smell in 3 days'.
Some people are happy to have visitors and some are not. Make sure you are welcome and don't overstay your welcome.
For those on the other end, that is finding yourself having to respond to family and friends who want to visit, there are also do's and don'ts.
Do make it clear how long they are welcome for, don't say something like, 'sure, come any time, stay as long as you want', if that is not what you really would like. If you do, you have only yourself to blame if they take you up on that over-generous offer. When someone brings up the subject to me I have several stock answers developed over the years.
A close family member (ie. Brother) gets the anytime, as long as you want answer. A cousin I have never met gets an answer depending on how they ask. If they say, 'we were thinking of 2 weeks in July', my answer might be, 'We haven't decided on our plans that far ahead yet, but I'll let you know if we are going to be around.' Otherwise known as the 'brush off'. Or it might be, 'July is a good time to visit and you are welcome to our spare bedroom but you do realize we will be working and you will be on your own for sightseeing and meals. We won't have time to drive you around or cook meals for you.' People often forget their hosts are not on holiday and if they are they aren't likely to want to spend their vacation time entertaining visitors. Sometimes as the potential host you need to make it quite clear, quite bluntly.
When living in one popular area I knew several people who got constant visitors all summer and moaned about it all the rest of the year. They would talk about how their visitors expected to be fed for free, driven around to see all the local sights, etc. When asked, they would say, 'well we can't say no to them, it would be rude.' My answer was it is the visitors who are being rude by expecting you to cater to them but you are just being stupid by doing it. Some visitors showed up every year for a week or two!
So the biggest do and don't for hosts is, do make it clear when and for how long and under what conditions someone will be welcome for and don't let anyone impose on you.
