Paris => Holland. How To Get There?

I can't seem to book a train from the airport to anywhere in Holland

That's because most people who want to travel straight to the Netherlands take a flight to the Netherlands. You'll have to travel into central Paris and take the train from there.

CDG is simply not on the main Thalys line to holland.

take a RER commuter train to Paris Gare du Nord.(every 15min or so- 20min trip)
from gare du nord there are 10 trains a day or so directly to Amsterdam.

You don't really need to go through Paris...but through Lille: TGV from Roissy CDG to Lille, connecting with TGV to Brussels and then Amsterdam (any train). It's a little bit complicated, and you will probably have to do 2 separate bookings (voyages-sncf.com), but it saves the hassle of RER and Gare du Nord.
Don't know if it really saves time...worth a try.

The bad news is that you've waited too long to get discount fares. The good news is, as others have said, you don't need to go into Paris to catch a train.

Depending upon the time of day, going through Lille requires one or more changes to get to Brussels. However, there are TGVs that go directly from CDG to Brussels.

Take an IC train from Brussels to Amsterdam. Just as fast as Thalys and cheaper. Direct trains depart every hour at 15 minutes past the hour. If you change in Maastricht, you have more departure time choices.

Expect to pay around 68€ for CDG-Brussels and 35€ for Brussels-Amsterdam.

car rant #1, Cars isolate us from the experience and fun of trains.
We get so much fun learning done on trains.
Cars are stress and vulnerable hassle. And cost!