Here is the deal. I am looking for a new challenge, a new life, a new adventure. I am an educated guy in my early forties and am golden handcuffed to a horrible life-sucking job that pays really well (think pharma). I am married, with mortgage, no kids, a cat and not enough money to retire. My wife is wonderful and would leave her job (so she says) and we can do whatever would make me happy. The question I struggle with is: What would make me happy.
I love to travel (been to 20+ countries) and can do so on a shoe-string. But what do you do that you find meaning in? I wonder if I am just fantasizing about running off into the world as a reactionary measure to all the BS of the rat race or if it is real. What do guys think? Midlife crisis?
Have you dealt with these feelings? If so I would love to hear some stories/encouragement/advice.
Thanks.
I know this is not a psych forum but travel is where I can relate.
Well, i kinda done just what you are thinking about.
I left my well paid job, got my backpack on and off i went with just a pocketfull of Euros.
9 years later, i am still traveling, and i have a completely mobile business. All i need is my laptop and an internet connection.
I travel constantly, visiting, experiencing and living in whatever country i like.
It's a nomadic lifestyle, to be free from those corporate chains, and to just find what you like.
That's the key, and sometimes you just have to head off into the sunset to find what it is that you like.
Well, I think it is good that you are thinking about what would actually make you happy before you throw it all in on the assumption that travel is the key.
Sadly I obviously have no idea what would make you happy.
#1s advice obviously worked out for him but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. A completely mobile business requires certain skill sets. I know I for one don't have them. If you do, by all means explore this avenue.
For me I worked out in my 20s that I needed a job, not a career. I went back to university and trained as a teacher. Now I have a job that I enjoy and that allows me to live in different countries along with plenty of holidays to enjoy travelling. But I'm still tied to working and I still can't just up and go whenever I want. So I guess I have handcuffs too (although not golden one, cheap alloy at best).
You don't say where you're from but is it possible you could take a career break and do something like the Peace Corp?
I understand this may sound trite, but have you considered the possibility that you might be depressed? Even if you are not depressed, you might find it beneficial talking to a counselor to try to figure out what would make your life better. I would be concerned that there is no geographic cure, that a new challenge, a new life, a new adventure is only new for a short period of time an then you are back to searching for something that makes you feel good.
Ruth
At the risk of sounding over cautionary, I back the words of warning of #2 and 3. A 'soul sucking job' obviously is a bad situation, and it's great you're exploring your options, but I believe it's important to have a motivation greater than just running away from a bad job. As Ruth says, otherwise you're risking soon being in exactly the same situation, though now far from home and possibly with even less options. I posted here once about how surprised I was that, despite moving half way around the world, the fundamentals of my life did not change. And it was on this forum that I learned the phrase 'there is no geographic cure'. That all being said, leaving the States was a good move for us, but we left to create a business that we'd been planning for, and to a country that we'd known for years that we needed to be a part of.
Work while constantly traveling is difficult for most people. #1 has made a success of it, but I'd wager he had to work hard to make it so. The real key to his success is probably that he likes what he does, otherwise it would be a life sucking job for him as well. Also, as #2 points out, mobility requires a certain set of skills. You might do well to make a list of all that you are trained to do and evaluate those skills for their portability. With a pharma background you might consider consulting or contract work with the pharma industry's expansion into emerging markets. This would require a lot of networking to ensure a viable business. On the other hand, it may give you the control over your life that you seem to be looking for, plus the chance to work in a variety of other countries.
Good luck
#2 Peace Corp? You don't reccomend a business, but you reccomend the peace corp?
#3 Depression?
OP wants to hear stories of encouragment and Advice, not this bs, i should imagine!
OP, think out of the box, go ahead and do something exciting, something new that you have never done, something that you have always wanted to do.
Take a 3 month break, a trial. That is the safest way. Then you have 3 months to travel and investigate the possibility of a new life and what it can offer you and your wife.
After the 3 months, return to your usual life, then compare, see what you like best.
It's no risk. You still have your house, your job and both ou and your wife will either be heading off in a new direction or realising that you are happy with everything you have.
I done this recently with a friend. He joined me on my travels for 3 months, to work things out for himself. To find what he needed in life.... did he need a complete change? did he just need a break? what would happen if he had a complete change? What would he feel like? Would he MISS his existing life?
He went back home buzzing about his new opportunities. Suddenly he could see exactly where he should be heading in life.
That's all it took.
He found what would make him happy by doing something random for a while, a 3 month, no risk trial.
OP wants to hear stories of encouragment and Advice, not this bs, i should imagine!
Encouragement is not sensible if OP is depressed and not getting the help that he needs.
Realistic advise is what is needed, not overly optimistic reports of one or two people simply taking a trip and finding themselves.
Four people have posted and three recommend caution. I think your suggestions are the ones that need to be taken with a grain of salt.
OP - As someone who has a job that requires lots of travel, I can tell you that I get up every morning, shower, eat breakfast and go to work, whether it is in the coutnry in which I reside, or one that I am visiting for business. It doesn't matter.
Travel may be something that you love, but it is not the same as living overseas and VERY few jobs permit travel on a regular basis. Mine does but it still doesn't permit me to do much site seeing when I do travel.
I strongly encourage you to reaad through some of the other posts on this branch. You will quickly see that there are a small group of people who will encourage you to simply take off and do whatever you want. There is another larger group that will offer more carefully worded encouragement to take a long hard look at what you are hoping to accomplish.
If you are looking to retire and spend the rest of your days traveling, then figure out how to cut your expenses and save every penny so that you can acheive your goal. But think carefully because something has caused you to make the decisions that you have made thus far in life to reach the point of being in my early forties and am golden handcuffed to a horrible life-sucking job that pays really well (think pharma). I am married, with mortgage, no kids, a cat and not enough money to retire.
Ruth
I'm really getting quite sick of people on this forum who choose to make assumptions.
Assumptions that the OP is depressed, when nobody has any idea who the OP is and when nobody on this forum is qualified and experienced to make a possible diagnosis of depression or any other medical condition.
Just because somebody has an idea that they might want to change their life, everybody jumps on the " your'e depressed" bandwagon.
Don't talk absolute poppycock when you have no idea whatsover about people's personal circumstances.
everbrite, you have a job, a career which means you have to travel.
You can bring good to this conversation with advice on what you found helpful with what you do and the difficulties that you experienced in doing what you do.
But to make assumptions about people is not on.
It is so amazing that people come to this forum for TRAVEL advice and end up being diagnosed as depressed by a bunch of couch doctors.
I apologise to the OP for all the hatred and name calling he has experienced here.
But can tell him this is, unfortunately, historically typical of the thorntree.
Let me add myself as the fourth voice of caution and reason versus the lone loudmouth who advises jumping off a cliff. But too many people who come to this branch purportedly looking for advice simply want to be told what they want to hear and will shoot the messenger for anything they criticize as "negativity". I hope that the OP is not one of them and can listen to reason.
What I do get tired of are people like #1. Those who do nothing but tell people to throw caution to the wind because that is "negativity." It's a constant struggle here with these types but guess what. We win out in the end. Just look at the post numbers of the people who advise caution. We've been around here a long time. We last because our lifestyles are sustainable. People who make unreasonable and rash decisions tend to drop out one way or another. Even those whose careers are sustainable find that their lifestyles aren't. Those who lead a nomadic life like #1 often are lonely. They are everywhere but also nowhere. They don't build a "life" and often can't because the visa situation doesn't allow them long term stays. That is one reason why they love to brag about how great their lives and careers are; because they are also trying to convince themselves of that. Would I want a life and career like that? Not in a million years, but then that is my personal opinion.
trusted partner
