It's wonderful to meet unforgettable people but it makes it all the more brutal when you have to say goodbye, especially if you're the one being left behind. What tips do you have to dealing when others move on but you stay put, almost as if you're living forever?
Yesterday a friend told me that instead of going home mid-January like planned, his internship ended early so he will be going home next week. I am unsure what I feel about the sudden news; sadness for sure, but on top of that, abandonment, loneliness, and finally empathy. It couldn’t have hit me harder than if he had told me he was dying from a terminal disease; in fact, the emotions I feel are a mixture between experiencing death and a breakup.
There is so much that we had talked of doing that now will never be done and so many memories that now seem suddenly taken away. Although we had no big plans for the holidays in this country that celebrates nothing, it was comforting to know that at least we would have each other (or, that I would have him). The time we had together has vanished in half a blink of the eye. I don’t blame him; if I had the same opportunity I would do the same thing but knowing that doesn’t make it any less painful.
That night I cried uncontrollably for more than an hour, unable to sleep. I thought of all the good times I’ve had with him, all the laughter, all the jokes, and all of his pure heart. All the things we have talked about, our roadtrips, and unforgettable impromptu adventure days, and generally just shooting the breeze. Every single one of my best friends here have gone home in the last 1.5 weeks (their contracts were shorter than mine), and spontaneously calling home is out of the question. I realized then, lying helplessly in the dark, that was a sign of what was to come after he leaves: complete loneliness and no one to reach out to even if I wanted to.
“It’s not fair,” I want to scream, but there’s no sense in that statement. I know that my not wanting people leave is reasonable but selfish. Deep down we wish them all the happiness in the world and for them to go forth and continue with their lives, but not at the expense of leaving us behind. But I suppose all the tears I’ve shed in the last 1.5 weeks on behalf of my incredible friends just shows how lucky I am to have been to have met people worthy of crying over.
