Feeling GUILTY for wanting to be FREE

In AA there's a sying,"What other people think of me, is none of my business."

BTW did Mom ever have that heart attack? Or does she stikk owe you one.

MNy Doctor, here in Seville has a baroque looking portrate of his grandad. Hige expensive painting. In gramp's dr. gear.

I said, I never thought I was worth a damn. 'Cause I'm suppose to be an engineer or lawyer like our family trades. Doc says, "Yeah, that family unspoken pressure is a bitch!"

Drs over hear are so gentle and crring. even though its socialized emergency med. Some patients go through the whole system on only the first name. Some as just a work order number.

Since my childhood the question of meaning of life is occupying my whole being, like you this question that why we living beings are here. we are existing only for breathing in air, waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, work, going home, eating dinner, sleeping and the cycle starts all over again and again. What is one's meaning and purpose in life? To work, pro-create, accumulate material things, retire weak and old and then die?
Since then thirty years have been passed these questions remains the same. In these years i may have learned lot of words to explain the meaning of life but still i dont know anything about meaning of life. Fifteen years back when i lossed my mom and younger sister, i went for globe trotting and find solace and meaning to life in the lap of nature. I find sometimes there are some situations and problems for which there is only one solution that is time. under these tough times only flow with the natural flow of life, dont throw your hands for solution, more you throw your hands more deeper you will find yourself in trouble.

As Aristole once mumbled or should have;
WHO'S DAMN LIFE IS IT ANYWAY?

We are really watchmen over only one navle. Paradigms kill.

Hi Jenny (?)

Do listen to Ruth and your counselor (Ruth is well-qualified)!

I completely understand where you're coming from, it sounds like there are shifts and changes you're going to have to make, but long-term RTW travel/escaping is not the way to deal with them.

A short break as Ruth advises would be a good start. AFTER negotiating with your husband.

Because even if you're not keen on the marriage, the decisions you make now can set a pattern for the future - with future relationships. It's taken me years to figure out how to carefully choose the words I say to my husband when I'm going on a trip, or away alone. He took it personally - as abandonment. It made him furious at times. (Our peripatetic lifestyle didn't increase his sense of security).

Your description of your life reminds me of this article about high-achieving Asian-Americans, and clashes with the dominant white culture of the USA: http://nymag.com/news/features/asian-americans-2011-5

Cultural obligations can feel so restrictive and limiting, yet at the same time they provide a crucial part of our identity.

I hope your counselor is helping you. We here are strangers; we don't know what culture you come from originally, and don't really know much about you. People saying, "Oh just leave because you're free" have nothing invested in friendships with you, it's a pithy turn of phrase. Sometimes we seek permission from others that we cannot give ourselves, but it should be from people who know who we are, not strangers on a message board.

+1 for waxybrushes advice. As well-intentioned as everyone is on the forum, in the end we are still strangers. And thanks too for passing along that NY Magazine article - very interesting read.
-Greg

Straight from momma to the husband?

You are relatively young at 28. I don't think you can be blamed for wanting to venture off and assert your independence. Your husband sounds like the embodiment of the mentality you are desperately trying to escape.

Get your finances in order and do it right, be gone for one year minimum. Yes this is contrary to the conservative approach most are suggesting but let's face it, you haven't really lived yet. Just don't go full narcissistic "eat, love (me), pray" mode and you'll be fine. For god's sake, figure out how you want to live your life before you have kids.

It is possible to have security AND freedom. I have a wonderful wife and two small children. We're US citizens living in Asia. I get a few weeks a year traveling by myself, doing my own thing. Our family vacations are precious times for exposing our kids to the world.

Start planning.

Hi jennypennykenny,

Your situation sounds remarkably similar to mine. Except I don't have children and I have a very supportive mother, who couldn't stand to see me so depressed and unhappy.
I was married at 22 and I am now almost 30 and I've recently separated from my husband for the third time. I tried for seven years of counselling, talking to him, compromising, travelling together, etc, etc.

Your situation is slightly more complicated because you have children to consider. Ultimately if you want to be there, in that life and can accept the odd family trip to quieten that travel bug, then you need to try to work through those issues with your husband.
I did try, but I always had that nagging voice and I couldn't shake it.

I do believe the idea of travelling is more than just escaping the drudgery of everyday life and responsibilities. Personally, it has a lot to do with being independent and proving to myself that the world is not as small as it sometimes feels. Also showing people that I am courageous and strong and not just like everybody else, accepting the role of marriage and mother so easily.

For me, I've realised that marriage and children is definitely not what I want. I'm actually starting to despise listening to people talk about their weddings and their children. For some people, that is what they want in life. I now realise that I don't.
Perhaps you are experiencing a similar awakening. I think women are often pushed into this idea that a perfect partner and marriage is the answer to everything. But there has to be the right time and the right person.

Sorry for babbling but as I said, I'm going through a very similar situation at the moment. Keep going to see your therapist (I still am), talk through your thoughts and you will soon hear yourself and your heart.

I am planning on taking a year off work in 2012, travelling and working in Europe all by myself. And I can't wait!
Good luck.

I hope everyone who finds their self in a similar situation has the decency to consider the other person involved. If you need to make the decision, do not linger. Your spouse will be starting over too. A spouse who wants a family and is in their 30's is going to have an uphill battle getting their life back on track.

People tend to forget they're making a decision that affects two lives.

leboof ---
actually I don't have kids yet. I've been married for 2 years now and everyone is asking me "so when are the kids coming?". I am not ready for this yet as I have an unsettling feeling inside.

Just last week I went to New York City for a conference. I stayed a few days extra during the weekend to explore and it was just great being off on my own. I found that when I'm on my own, people were more inclined to talk to me....but they're mostly guys so I don't know if they were just trying to pick me up. Some of them I spoke to were very intriguing and some were just looking to "get lucky".

In the past, I used to just ignore people because I felt that if I talked to people who are outside of my daily network (work or school) then it was like cheating. But that really limits the number of friends I have as not everyone who is in my "network" has the same passion and interests that I do other than school work or work related stuff.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and I agree with you about not simply accepting that all there is to life is being a wife, a mother and an employee. I have pushed myselt to speak up more lately, and not to care what others think of me, whether my thoughts are right or wrong. I am trying to find a strength within me that I've suppressed, and awaken a desire and dream I have that I have long neglected.

I felt like I was reading something about myself when I read this. I knew from the first post that you weren't sure if you wanted to be with your husband. I am not married but I do understand how family can make you feel guilty. I have always felt like I needed to get out there and travel, but my family always makes me feel like I am crazy or going through something that would pass. Well I am 32 and I have felt like this since I was about 15, so it isn't something that is going to pass. I have been depressed in the past and I am currently on medication for it and I am also in my 3rd year of college to become a counselor and I still feel like I want to just GO....

But I can say, yes, some of these people are right about making rash decisions when you are depressed or not in the right state of mind, it isn't the best thing to do but if it is something you have always felt deep inside of you then I think you should do it. If you make safe plans and have the money, I say go for it.. But I guess I should to take my own advice. It is hard when you have people in your life that count on you and make you feel guilty. It sucks being the one that people go to when they need something, Believe me I understand. I say do it now before you have kids and then you really resent everyone in your life and become miserable. Do what makes you happy without hurting to many people in the process. Good luck on your life adventure..