Party calls

Emily Post, 1922:

it is a commonplace remark that older people invariably feel that the younger generation is speeding swiftly on the road to perdition. But whether the present younger generation is really any nearer to that frightful end than any previous one, is a question that we, of the present older generation, are scarcely qualified to answer. To be sure, manners seem to have grown lax, and many of the amenities apparently have vanished. But do these things merely seem so to us because young men of fashion do not pay party calls nowadays and the young woman of fashion is informal? It is difficult to maintain that youth to-day is so very different from what it has been in other periods of the country’s history, especially as “the capriciousness of beauty,” the “heartlessness” and “carelessness” of youth, are charges of a too suspiciously bromidic flavor to carry conviction.

(My emphasis.)

When young men of fashion did pay party calls, what exactly did they do?

Within a week or so of having been entertained by Mrs. Toplofty--say a dinner party, card party, or a ball--the gentleman in question would pay a call to Mrs.Toplofty to thank her for her hospitality. This was critical if it was the first time he had been her guest.

He would stop by on her regular day at home (the day & time at which she regularly entertained formal callers) and tell her how much he enjoyed the dinner/musical evening/ball. This call could be perfunctory or, if Ms. T had lovely & amiable daughters, a bit longer.

Depending on the era, you may have been able to discharge this obligation by leaving your calling card within a few days, even if "Madam is not at home."

A lady never pays a party call to a gentleman, but since the gentleman had, of course, secured his mother, married sister or other married woman as a chaperone, the woman so entertained will call upon that lady.

Did gentlemen need chaperones? I thought they were for unmarried women?

Do you know that such a visit was called a party call, nutrax?

Depending on the era, you may have been able to discharge this obligation by leaving your calling card within a few days

There is a scene in Proust's "Remembrance of Things Past" in which a princess is told that a large portrait of her has just been delivered. As the painting is unwrapped, a servant points out that the package was addressed incorrectly; it says only La Princesse de Parme instead of "to the Princess" or "for the Princess." The princess, who has to return a call paid on her by a social climber, says "Save the wrapping. I will leave it at Madame LaGrande's."

Do you know that such a visit was called a party call, nutrax?

EP herself makes that clear from context:

Not so many years ago, a lady or gentleman, young girl or youth, who failed to pay her or his “party call” after having been invited to Mrs. Social-Leader’s ball was left out of her list when she gave her next one. For the old-fashioned hostess kept her visiting list with the precision of a bookkeeper in a bank; everyone’s credit was entered or cancelled according to the presence of her or his cards in the card receiver. Young people who liked to be asked to her house were apt to leave an extra one at the door, on occasion, so that theirs should not be among the missing when the new list for the season was made up—especially as the more important old ladies were very quick to strike a name off, but seldom if ever known to put one back.

Reading that passage makes me rather glad to live in the 21st century.

Thanks, both.

I have a couple of old etiquette books. Fortunately, one of them, from 1913, is a free read on Google Books so I don't have to type.

It is obligatory to call on one's hostess after a dinner, a breakfast, a musicale, or a luncheon. But for men as well as women the dinner call is of paramount importance. It is paid within a fortnight after the dinner, and whether the invitation was accepted or not. When a dinner or dance invitation is declined, and no call is made afterward, a hostess has every reason to feel deeply offended and to accept the slight as a sign that her friendship and hospitality are not desired. Only very ignorant or ill bred persons pursue such a course with a view to dropping an undesirable acquaintance. If one wishes to drop an acquaintance, one should carefully pay the required call, and then let the interchange of visits cease.

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>Did gentlemen need chaperones? I thought they were for unmarried women?

When a single gentleman entertained, whether in his own home or at a theater or restaurant,
> [No matter how large or small the party is] if the guests are of both sexes, a married chaperon is necessary. She must be the first person invited and she should be asked by note or a personal call at her house.

For a dinner party:
>If there are women among his guests, he selects a married woman as the chaperon of the occasion. He is not at liberty to invite her however, without her husband, and it is considered in best taste to call upon the lady and make the request for her presence in person.

And, of course:
>A bachelor would not gather a party of men and women on board his yacht for a few hours sailing, or a dinner to view a race ,or enjoy a cruise without having someone to act as chaperon.

Inviting the chaperone makes it easier for the young ladies to attend:
>Young ladies attending a bachelor's tea or dinner are not required to go attended by their individual chaperons, the presence of a chaperon for the company at large, who stands in the place of a hostess, making that unnecessary. If at a bachelor's tea or dinner the chaperon rises early to leave, the other women must leave at the same time.

Since the young ladies are required to pay a party call afterwards, and since they cannot call upon a single gentleman, they pay the call to the chaperone instead.

The necessity of a chaperone is the mainspring of the plot of the play Charlie's Aunt. The young men have invited young ladies to their digs but at the last minute the chaperone can't be there. So they get a friend, Jack Benny in the movie, to dress up as a rich widowed aunt from Brazil, where the nuts come from, and, um, hilarity ensues.

And being married or widowed was the only real criterion for eligibility as a chaperone.

In Pride and Prejudice, 16-year old Lydia, who ran off with "one of the most worthless young men in Great Britain," and lived with him for a week or so without benefit of clergy (or repentance), gloats that now that she has married him (in a shotgun wedding), she can chaperone her older sisters to balls--despite the fact that she is monumentally unsuited to be a chaperone.