Funeral in Germany

...and the conclusions of the posters on WE branch were.... how did you put it? "Rude"?

Most certainly - too many were busy assuming and condemning - without reading.
However - what's new.

I would say that Germans are informal at funerals,yet dress fancy.I dont think it would hurt to go with a nice black dress something casual yet classy
Germany's methods of handling the dead have been out of step with those in the rest of the Western world. For generations, cremation and embalming were handled by the state, rather than by funeral homes; people have had no choice as to what to do with cremated remains (they had to buried in a cemetery); the private cemetery hardly exists; and many people choose an anonymous grave with no headstone (something that's found in Germany's European neighbors but virtually unknown in North America).

Sorry about the funeral liamh. And I would agree, lots of rude answers to a perfectly reasonable question. And those not so rude - advice on everything from from the little black dress you might wear to info about headstones ....but NOTHING about your actual question - does your husband need a suit!!!

My friends were just at a funeral in Germany this past Sept. I will email them and get back to you.

as it is a family member i would ask the family
normally you wear black, no jewelery
black stockings for girls and black dress
black trousers and a black shirt or pullover might do for your husband
or a black coat

to nr 8 guess you forgot there have been two german states , at one everything was handled by the state, in the other funeral homes did the jobs
but even today you have to go to a cemetary

It would seem that your husband could rent a proper funeral suit in Germany
if need be. Why not ask your relatives about that possibility? Maybe by asking
that question you could discern what is most proper by their answers.

I just went to a funeral recently but not in Germany. It wasn't an issue what I wore I dressed in black I wore the same thing to my dad's viewing as I did to his funeral. A couple of funny things did happen though. One of them I was just about late for his funeral. There we were racing down the road getting lost my dad would laugh. I need to remember the funny things that happened. Worrying about what to wear wow it wasn't even a consideration.

This is a copy of my post of the Germany forum:

On my noting that few are actually reading my posts - with most responses wildly assumptive, disrespecful, ignorant and arrogant ….. I very much doubt I should bother to follow up – but here goes.

I again copy in the E-mail I received from family in Icking and posted in this thread..

“A black suit, you need to get, due to the declaration of - surely not!”

And below is the final advice received from family in Icking:
• No viewing.
• The body will be cremated.
• No funeral service.

• No cemetery.

• No one will know where the urn will be placed - anonymous grave.
• There will be a simple gathering at a relative’s house in Icking.

• Have been advised on telephone, that the idea of wearing anything other than regular clothing is ridiculous.

= = = = = =

It would have been relatively easy to decide what to wear with a funeral in most other places in the world – but there were extenuating circumstances – also our family live and work all about the world – and all had to be decided right now - i.e. flight to Bavaria within 24 hours.

Thank you to those that were polite and supportive - the short notice was a shock to say the least.
= = = = = =

And especially a thank you to living - I am most appreciative of your support

Here's my final post from the Germany forum - I think some of you will find this interesting.

Mattoni: Yes of course you are right – I had no idea. However, the need to attend this event definitely did trigger memories of articles which I had previously read in the media and also brought to mind of when I was about others chatting on the subject. Some wouldn’t go to a funeral without wearing black – so many many things were required - - and others were exactly the opposite – and all were multi generation Germans.

I so wish I had realized the operative word for me to have GOOGLED should have been ‘anonymous’. For once I received the confirmed advice of the funeral – which I printed out here - then a myriad of info was produced by GOOGLE using this specific term. Below are some URLS that I think should be of interest:

Rise in popularity of alternative burials (written in 2005)

Of the approximately 820,000 who die annually in Germany, about 15 percent opt to be buried anonymously, without ceremony. Likewise, more and more Germans are also opting for non-traditional options such as burial at sea, communal graves or burial in woodland cemeteries.
Click Here

In the following link, the writer declares ……. ++“I cannot deny that I find this personally abhorrent+”+ ….. thus the probable reason ??? - - for the many personal assumptions in this thread as to my character – also as to what I had ‘already’ decided, and etcetera …. ? I think so. I had not included a burial (in my mind) in the big 3 no nos – which are politics, sex and religion – however, in retrospect, I see that in many ways this subject does belong there.
Click Here

Lastly - the URL below basically covers our family member’s wishes – for it turns out she wished the vast amount of money requried to be spent on her funeral – to be spent on her niece and family whom she adored. A fabulous decision I thought.

"The way Germany handles the dead has long been different, but changes are in the works.
Germany's methods of handling the dead have been out of step with those in the rest of the Western world. For generations, cremation and embalming were handled by the state, rather than by funeral homes; people have had no choice as to what to do with cremated remains (they had to buried in a cemetery); the private cemetery hardly exists; and many people choose an anonymous grave with no headstone (something that's found in Germany's European neighbors but virtually unknown in North America).

Changes are in the works, however, partly because laws are being harmonized with those of the European Union neighbors, and partly because many people want to rein in the exorbitant cost of a funeral and burial. It's a standing joke that "you can't afford to die."

And the costs can be staggering; up to €8,000. Expatriates might find themselves paying even more if they wish to ship the remains home for burial."Click Here

Edited by: liamh

The man just wants a new suit!