Selling up and moving on....

Bear with me, as this may take a while, but I would appreciate people's thoughts....
My partner and I have both travelled (individually and together) and are also both now fed up in London, having been settled down with mortgage etc. for a few years now. We have two children (2 1/2 and 7 months) and have always thought it would be great to go travelling with them.
Things here seem to be coming to a head- I am unhappy at work (and have been for a while now), the cost of living is starting to affect us and we have this nagging feeling that we are just coasting along, settling for what we have because it's easy. So...to the point(s) of the thread...We are veering now towards the idea of selling the house, car etc. and going travelling. My dilemmas are numerous, and include:
1) Is this foolish- giving up the security of a house and taking the kids off, with nothing to come back to?(If it was just me and my partner, we would have no hesitation)
2) Is it fair on the kids to take this security away from them? Will they gain anything from it?
3) Has anyone out there done something similar? Or considering doing something similar?
4) If yes to (3), where did you go/ are you thinking of going? And for how long?

If anyone would care to voice an opinion, whether outraged or in agreement, it would be appreciated.

hi,
we have been thinking about the same, but as for now it's just on a "thinking about it"-level (one son
1 1/2y). The security of the surroundings is important for a child, but then again they are surprisingly flexible. I don't know... I think as long as the parents are there, the children are good off. And depending on how long you plan to travel, you can always stay longer in one place. Your children are quite small, so I don't think they will gain much from it.
A friend was in India and she said there were many mothers and families backpacking with their children, some 2 some 4 some older, and they had all very little problems.
My father is a sailor and as I was 4 and as i was 6 I went with him on trips. Through the ports of Europe to South America and the Caribbean, back to Europe and then to Africa... From the first trip I have no memories, and from the second one, some. But I have some memories, which I can't Really remember, they are just sentiments of diffenrent colours, people, smells...somewhere in my heart. And I am nowadays very interested in different cultures, travelling etc, so maybe I got the bug there!?! but I have to say that our "homebase" was on the ship,which laid in the harbour for 2days-one week, and from there we went out on daytrips.
So, I can't say go or not, but maybe this gave you some thoughts...
Peace.

My wife and I are discussing exactly the same thing. We both love to travel and recently had twins who are now 3 months. We've been wondering how and where we will go when the oppty comes up. I really like some of the issues you bring up and we have been thinking about them ourselves.

1) Is this foolish- giving up the security of a house and taking the kids off.

We're thinking before the kids are in school so 4-5 years old, selling our house and travelling for a year. When we return we'll enroll them in school and buy another house. I don't think your kids are losing any security since their security comes from you not your property. On the other hand, we feel we should have enough cash to come home to so we can buy another house get them in school with minimal disruption to their lives. I would never consider it if it meant coming back impoverished since the stress it would place on us and them would be unfair to us all as a family.

Also, we're thinking it would be selfish to disrupt their education during primary school since this is when they begin forming relationships and making friends. So, we want to do this before they are in school and potentially (down the road obviously) before between secondary school (High school in US) and college. However, in my brief 3 month career as a parent, I think the 2 most important relationships a child has is their relationship with their parent and their parent's relationship with each other. If you're both unhappy with work and where you are, you owe it to your family to make a change ... sorry if I'm pontificating.

2) Is it fair on the kids to take this security away from them? Will they gain anything from it?

In our case, I don't think the kids will gain anything from where they go (I don't think they'll remember much), but I'm certain we will all become closer as a family. When I think back on the trip my wife and I took (6 mos), the best thing was the time we spent together. Also, if you and your wife are happy and excited about life and the world (as we were when we travelled) that positive attitude and love will definitely rub off...

I do think all parents have a resonsibility to keep their children safe, so we'd rule out places that are politically unstable or have very crime rates (specifically kidnapping). Also, we may depending on what we find out, stay away from countries that have infectious diseases our children can't be immunized from. Barring that, we'd pretty much take them anywhere...

3) Has anyone out there done something similar? Or considering doing something similar?

4) If yes to (3), where did you go/ are you thinking of going? And for how long?
We're thinking we'll need some good home bases for exploration. I don't think we could be the sort of vagabonds we were when we travelled as a couple (switching cities every couple of days). We're thinking about staying in each place 3-4 weeks and exploring from there. Our thoughts are caravaning in Australia and/or the US (out west specifcally) (the caravan would be our mobile home base), renting apts in cities like Melbourne, Christchurch( NZ), Bangkok, KL, Greek Islands, etc.

Please let me know what you end up doing. We're not doing anything for at least a year or two and we'd love to benefit from your experience.

Happy Travels,
Mike

Just a couple of comments from my perspective:

I don't think you can necessarily judge these thing by what the child "will remember". If we took this approach most of the first 5 years would be of no importance whatsoever as they remember very little of it. Clearly this is wrong and it is important.

Having said that I would still be inclined to wait till my children were a bit older so they could participate more actively in the planning and the activities of the travel. Our son is nearly 7 and we are about to begin three months travel. He is very excited about it and the fact we are sharing it with him will be part of the fun for my husband and I.

I think you can be a little more robust with your children's schooling than is suggested in the post above. Yes children learn important social skills and make friends during elementary school but a year out will not disrupt this process unduely, especially if you think you may return to the same place. Children are very resilient and adaptable. My husbands parents never took the sabbaticals they were due because they were concerned abou their three sons schooling -which I think is really sad. Think of the great experience they could have all had going away for a year together.

On the financial security point, I tend to think that if you are confident of your ability to secure employment again in the future and provide a secure existence to your family you don't have to worry too much about giving up the house and mortgage.

My own parents sold up and left New Zealand with me aged 5 and my brother aged 3. We went on extended travels which led to spending the next 9 years living in different locations before eventually returning to NZ for my teenage years. I have never regretted this childhood.

Thank you all for your input. We certainly are aware that the unhappiness we feel at the moment is potentially more damaging to the kids than anything else, and knowing other people are also considering this kind of thing is reassuring!
mhonner- will certainly let you know what our decision is, and how we get on (if we decide this is what we want to do). We are also thinking of a van, as it seems like a good way to have some stability.
familyof4- I understand what you mean about waiting until the kids are older, the issue is being forced, however, by our need to change things now. I guess my worry is the future financial security, but we would not be going away for more than a year (unless we found work somewhere) so would hopefully not spend all our money on the trip....

Thanks again.

Just a thought -

If you're concerned with no longer having the security of a house, have you considered renting out your house while you are away? My husband and I rented out our flat in SF, CA when we traveled for 6 months. The rent was sent to his mother who then paid our house payment. We even rented the place for more than what we owed each month which was great.

I personally think that the experience could only benefit them - even if they don't remember much of it.

Good luck! We don't have children yet, but have often talked about traveling with them. We'll definitely be giving it a go in a few years!

I'd agree with #5, if you can afford it, rent the house out. We sold ours and regretted it as when we came back 3 yrs later as prices had gone up almost double!

Have you thought about working overseas? We taught OS and took lots of holidays in the term breaks over the 3 years. Our kids were 3 and 6 when we went. They coped really well with 2-3 weeks travelling at a time. The younger one doesnt have as many memories as the older child, but I do believe they have a different outlook on life. They were exposed to people of many cultures and religions, and see that as the norm rather than exception. Both have a better than their age grasp of the world and and place in it. The older one loves sitting down with maps and books about other countries.

With an 8 month old travelling is going to be a bit harder.... the nappies just for a start! We felt even at 3 our youngest was a bit young for places like India as hygeine and safety are not like they are at home.

One thing to consider which we didnt- is how you will feel when you get home. It took me ages to adjust back to the more mundane way of life back home!

Maybe you need to get to the root problem of why you're feeling so unhappy, before creating any upheaval in your life. I've often found that the initial thrill of any new undertaking eventually wears away, and you've now got new challenges as well as the old baggage to contend with. Plus, if the cost of living is getting to you now, then that seems to me to be an indicator of seriously looking at your finances with a professional and creating a short term and long term plan before you do anything else.

I've travelled with my kids for ages. However, the older they get, the more fun it becomes because they begin to start taking initiative, asking questions, truly becoming engaged in the places they go to.

We took six months to travel Southeast Asia with our daughter when she was 41/2. She celebrated Christmas and her 5th birthday in Thailand. She is 8 now and remembers a lot of the trip- I make a point to look at our photos from the trip with her every few months or so. The experienced definitely shaped her world perspective and she identifies herself as a traveler. We rented our house, furnished, for those six months and it worked out really well. We spread the word to a few real-estate agents and they found us a renter in a week! In our area there are a number of people who find buyers for their home before they have located a new house themselves. Their agents are eager to make the sale so having a temporary housing option available can help them persuade a reluctant seller.

This time we are leaving for a longer trip (more than a year.) My husband and I are finding it almost impossible to keep buying into the American Consumer Lifestyle. We considered selling the house this time and just waiting to see where the oceans tossed us. Our daughter, who has been very enthusiastic about the trip (especially when it gets her out of school!) was horrified. Her confidence crumbled and all of a sudden she was terrified of going away for so long. Soooo, I guess having a home base to come back to is a greater part of her security than we had supposed. Looks like we will be renting again.

Well my husband and I thought of doing the same thing. But first let me emphasise that the child's security is not with the materials things but actually having both parents with him.

Anyway, my husband and I plan to do this after I finish my studies and his contract with his company ended, which is in 3 years' time. We have a 5 bedroom flat so we thought of selling off the flat and then 'downgrade' to a '4 or 3 bedroom' flat for a lower mortgage. Then we would rent out the flat so the money from the rent will pay for the mortgage. We would probably keep some money in the bank for a couple of months expenses(food). So even though we will be cashless when we come back, atleast we would have a roof over our head and some money for food to last us a couple of months. That would give enough time for either of us to get a job.

Our daughter is 19 months now and we hope to go when she is 4 y/o or so. We hope to travel round the world for about two years or so. As I work with young children, I don't feel that I'm depriving her of education as she can still get a good early childhood education while travelling, in fact this will probably be the best time to take her away for this length of time cuz there won't be any more chance once she start formal schooling (primary/elementary school). The best classroom is the outdoors, the experiential learning ...

So my advise to you is, go for it but instead of selling your home, why not rent it out and let the money for the rent pay for the mortgage. If your mortgage is too high, "downgrade to a smaller home for a lower mortgage". If that is not possible, after selling off everything, put aside some of the money in a bank say for 2-3 months of rental(home/hotel) and food when you come back. Atleast you will not be homeless and penniless when you come back.

All the Best! and when you come back from your trip, please share with us your experiences :)

Cheers!

I totally, completely agree with Precious Gem - the security a child feels does not come from a house, school or peers - but from their parents. Having a tidy, little house, with a tidy, little yard with a tidy, little routine may be commonplace and an ok life for some, but it's no indication it's the best thing merely because many people are doing it.

JMHO - but I am not so sure the traditional, usual family life is all we'd like to believe it to be.

For an interesting view point -

http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet/ArticleNews/TPStory/LAC/20040131/COVER31//?query=alanna+mitchell

As far as education, I've read of many homeschooling families who use the world as their classroom. In the age of the internet, there is no reason why an "education" has to be defined as setting at a desk all day. There is a plethora of on line resources for early childhood and upper grades the the net.

Good Luck in whatever you chose!