Goat Cheese Salads

You horny old goat.

Care for some Chèvre chaud?

"Am I old enough to be told?"

Come back when yer a grown-up - 10 years' time, at least :)

Eating ever-so ethnic and ultra-trendy goat cheese salads tends to make my body hair thicken, my eyes look weird, and my libido jump from a placid six and a half to a spiky fourteen.

The neighbours fantasize about me eating the washing off their clotheslines and upsetting their larger pet animals.