Thanks Artemis. I was looking at Balos as an alternative to Elafonissi but your idea of staying at Elafonissi is great. Ilike beaches better in late afternoon than in the midday sun anyway. I was also interested in the possibility of camping at Balos, I saw a few references to people camping there and since Balos is not a national park (is it?) maybe that would be possible? Does anyone know, and whether it would be safe for two women? Or if anyone knows of SMALLER excursion boats or 4WD tours that would be great too.

PS Smaller boat = less crowding, shoving, etc on board and in disembarking; smaller excursions may arrive before bigger boats so beach would be less crowded; driving self to Balos could arrive before main crowds. Not looking for deserted island effect, that wouldn't be reasonable, just to avoid worst of crowds so that can appreciate natural beauty (of either Balos or Elafonisi) Falasarna I suppose is a more convenient backup but I read it is usually windy?

Camping at Balos happens, but officially of course it is not allowed per se. However, this is Greece. Choosing a Bivi situation is better for spending the night covertly. I did so in September last year after hiking the road along the east side of the peninsula, but chose to Bivi up on the cliffs above the beach and just slept on my air mat and in the sleeping bag, on a patch of ground that was relatively sheltered. Terrain upon the cliff areas is very thick with rocks and there isn't much space in the area close to the descent path to the beach, to erect a tent (or to do so covertly)
Through Binoculars I saw some people just sleeping down on the beach behind rocks though, in sleeping bags. Locals who are in the area know full well that people are there and generally turn a blind eye as long as you use common sense. As with most parts of Crete, common sense with this kind of camping is all that is needed-
After all, the next day you'll probably be frequenting the little cafe or renting a chair or umbrella and business is business. During the night a certain amount of dew was present early morning, but the benefit of being 'up' was that I got sunrise views of the surrounds and sun hit me earlier than down on the beach would. I don't really see much benefit of sleeping down on the beach unless it is 'very' windy on the cliffs and you have to keep your head down a bit on the beach because it isn't officially allowed. You also get the morning sun warmth earlier on the tops.
At the very end of the road running along the east of the Gramvousa Peninsula, there is a little taverna where you can get water before bedding down for the night. In the morning, make your way down the steepish path towards the beach. At this time of the day it 'is' going to be quiet and you'll have a few hours until cars arrive along the east road, or before any boats arrive. I hiked to the very end of Gramvousa Peninsula and can also recommend that hike.
Getting back to Kastelli Kissamos, I later took the boat you refer to as a cattle one, leaving from Balos beach and going to Kissamos. Personally I didn't see it as a cattle boat and experienced no shoving. It was a pleasant journey with others, and was good to review areas I had hiked as it went round the tip of the peninsula. My recommendation is not to hike the east coast road. It is a boring hot hike being passed by cars all the time. That was my only mistake.
Get the "cattle" boat to Balos from Kissamos, enjoy the beach, consider ascending to the cliffs at night and sleep up there and then possibly hike to the end of the peninsula the next day if you choose, then back to that last taverna.
Alternatively, there is a 'west' coast hike from above Balos beach. Admittedly I didn't hike that side and it is no simple undertaking apparently as it climbs along steep ridges but is an option if you research it enough.
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