Funeral in Germany

Why ask a question if you won't accept the answers? Would you also travel to a muslim country wearing a mini skirt? Or go to a wedding in torn jeans?

If you like it or not, there are some etiquettes still around, and wearing black (and not brown!) at a wedding is one in Germany. It is not only about showing disrespect to the deceased, but also the whole culture. It is not about if this makes sense in your eyes or not, it's about respect for a tradition in the country you visit.

But hey, go ahead, wear any colour you like, you will look like a fool, loose the respect from everybody else there and will be forever branded as the insensitive american. If that's what you want...

You are jumping to rude conclusions.

I have not made up my mind
I am not ignoring anyone
I have not refused the responses in this post

I simply am having trouble wrapping my mind around all the responses.
Such things take time.

Edited by: liamh

For all those posters full of assumptions and who know everything –

#1 & #2 – thank you for being polite and thorough.

#12 – I totally understand and agree with your response. This was an odd case – as my friend who will die shortly, is in Bad Tölz and wishes to be buried in Icking, which most certainly is rural. And husband has been hugely tied up with work.

I worked in the field for the UN for years and adapting to cultures has been my life. Oddly – luckily ? of all the countries and relatives we have in our family, a death in Germany of which we attended the funeral, has not come about for many years, and I wondered if there might be changes.

This morning I just received advice from a friend in Germany, re my dear friend’s imminent death:

“A black suit, you need to get, due to the declaration of ** - surely not!”

Then explain the content of posts #11 and 13. If that's not ignoring advice, I don't know what is.

tony_b : I was exceptionally clear to all when I said –

“I simply am having trouble wrapping my mind around all the responses.
Such things take time.”

I also made a point of thanking those that offered their thoughts without being rude.

Clearly – our English dictionaries vary greatly.

For anyone thinking that the phrase:
"I am having trouble"
….. means the same as (before action was taken) …..
"ignoring advice"

• • • is going to meet with a great deal of brick wall in their life.

"This morning I just received advice from a friend in Germany, re my dear friend’s imminent death:"

Surely visit your friend now when he/she is alive, when it means something to the both of you, than after his/her death. The funeral should be immaterial given the option of visiting a dying friend.

I appreciate your advice marcopolko . - thank you.
I too firmly believe in respecting and honouring as one lives. I do not wait for birthdays and such. Unfortunately, my friend has met with a sudden tragedy – is now on life support – something she did not ever want – and she now knows no one. We have just given our support to let her go. I could never make it there in time. You’ll have to pardon me as I will leave this thread, for this has been far too stressful for me. Even so, thank you for your advice and I am sure others can take value from it.

my friend who will die shortly, is in Bad Tölz and wishes to be buried in Icking, which most certainly is rural.

Without getting prescriptive about this, my own experience of rural Bavaria is that people there are very traditional and conservative in outlook so you're probably right to do a little homework on this...

LOL - yes. I hope the baseball cap was a joke. A baseball cap at a funeral on anyone older than, say, 18 would scream "American" and "very poor taste".

Well, don't forget BF that Colonel Parker (Elvis Presley's manager) wore a baseball cap and shorts at Elvis's funeral...but there again he was a Dutchman...

This question was posted on older travellers too
There most of the people tried to help and told that it was an event that needed formal clothes.
if you feel uncomfortable with that, skip the funeral itsself and visit the grave at another occasion and pay your respects to the person

showing up not properly dressed to a funeral and then tell your relatives that you prefered to donate the money to someone else might be considered as quite a slap in the face by your German relatives - a decent looking dark jacket and slacks cost you less than USD 200.00 - you spend considerably more on the flight, why not donate also this money -

if the funeral is in a smaller community people still put quite an emphasis on how you are dressed - showing up unproperly dressed might embarass your family and damage your relationship with them - and Germans can hold a grudge for a very long time (especially the older generation) - not sure if saving USD 200.00 is worth this outcome..