'Resume'
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp;
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
Dorothy Parker, 1925


I'm not native (English that is), but I'd say it looks neat with so few words. I like it.
And I'm surprised it was written over 80 years ago.

Fairly funny, but i learnt it at 13.
Try this:
God, A Poem
A nasty surprise in a sandwich,
A drawing-pin caught in your sock,
The limpest of shakes from a hand which
You'd thought would be firm as a rock,
A serious mistake in a nightie,
A grave disappointment all round
Is all that you'll get from th'Almighty,
Is all that you'll get underground.
Oh he said: 'If you lay off the crumpet
I'll see you alright in the end.
Just hang on until the last trumpet.
Have faith in me, chum-I'm your friend.'
But if you remind him, he'll tell you:
'I'm sorry, I must have been pissed-
Though your name rings a sort of a bell. You
Should have guessed that I do not exist.
'I didn't exist at Creation,
I didn't exist at the Flood,
And I won't be around for Salvation
To sort out the sheep from the cud-
'Or whatever the phrase is. The fact is
In soteriological terms
I'm a crude existential malpractice
And you are a diet of worms.
'You're a nasty surprise in a sandwich.
You're a drawing-pin caught in my sock.
You're the limpest of shakes from a hand which
I'd have thought would be firm as a rock,
'You're a serious mistake in a nightie,
You're a grave disappointment all round-
That's all you are, ' says th'Almighty,
'And that's all that you'll be underground.'
1983
James Fenton

I like Dorothy Parker too.
What about this, from WW2 veteran Vernon Scannel who died this week, published in September:
I heard the other day of soldiers back
from serving in the fighting in Iraq,
not wounded bodily but suffering from
‘post-traumatic stress disorder’ — ‘bomb-
happy’s’ what they called it in the war
on Hitler; ‘shell-shock’ in the one before.
And then I thought, Ah yes, I can recall
D-Day, June the sixth in forty-four,
wading through chest-high waves to reach the shore
(the stretch I later learned was called Sword Beach,
a place I didn’t really wish to reach).
What I that day with many others shared
was ‘pre-traumatic stress disorder’, or,
as specialists might say, we were ‘shit-scared’.
