Latest News From the Land of Smiles

Warning - this is a repeat for new readers. I posted it 5 years ago, so old time members should maybe scroll on by:

Bangkok gem traders ripped off in tourist dud-cheque scam. Tuk tuk seen driving on road. US college girl traveller heard to exclaim, “ OH MY GOD!” Drug cop reprimanded for talk first, shoot later policy. Bangkok landlord accidentally burns down whole rent controlled city block. 5% of budget travellers have no idea. Pickup-truck collides with tree. 47 members of the same family injured. Tired and emotional gap year girl seen at Full Moon Party. World rallychamp Sebastien Loeb overtaken by tourist minibus on timed section of Chiang Rai Rally. Malarial Anopholes mosquitoes decimated by alcoholic poisoning - researchers blame plague of Irish boozers. 8% of expats have no idea. Songthaew driver seen to give change. Khao Sok Park rangers ban Irish passport holders after intoxicated leeches wreck Jungle Lodge. Patong jetski rider injured by recklessly thrown beachball. Californian skateboarder sets world record 342 kph down mountain pass on northern Samui - still doing 230+ at end of Bo Phut pier. Government urges Thai businessmen to emulate western counterparts. Experts at a loss to explain spike in purchases of German prestige cars, golf course condos and offshore tax minimisation schemes. Tired and emotional gap year girl whines, “No one understands me.” Company making radically quiet longtail motors files for bankruptcy. Coastguard winds down search for missing skateboarder off southern Ko Phangan. Buttock flashing Aussie surfer tells police after arrest at Full Moon Party, “I don’t get it.” 25% of package tourists have no idea. Experts attribute 2% fall in road toll to 20% rise in size of traffic offence bribes. Police announce new 20% target for reduction in road toll. Gallic tourists manage to transfer baggage from pier to Ko Whai ferry in under 3 hours. 30% of sex tourists have no idea. Cobra on life support after biting Irish tourist. Tuk tuk makes direct railway station to KSR trip. Buttock flashing Kylie Minogue clone at FMP bribed by Thai police for repeat performance. Freeway and tunnel into Railey announced. Park rangers find skateboarder shaped void punched through treetops on highest Ko Phangan Peak. Search shifts to Ko Tao. 50% of this forum’s feminazis have no idea. Overloaded songthaew sets world wheelstanding record along Rama V. Shameless farang bare-flesh display on Samui shocks Thai domestic holiday makers. Hua Hin chamber of commerce can’t explain loss of local tourists to southern Gulf islands. Smart rabid dog doesn’t bite Irishman. Government law and order consultant unmasked as Nuremberg Trials escapee and former Pinochet security chief. Self proclaimed internet Thai culture expert spends all holiday in Nana Plaza girly-bar. Bizarre identity mix-up sees paparazzi and royal watchers stake out Fergy’s Cha Am Gazebo and Grill. New 130kph defacto speed limit for tourist minibuses will only be enforced in urban areas. Government spokesperson justifies replacement of ministerial BMWs with more expensive Mercedes as an economy initiative: lower depreciation. Air France flight hits minor turbulence near Phuket. Passengers don’t panic. 70% of this forum’s environazis have no idea. Local budget airline hits minor turbulence after Phuket landing. Control tower directs pilot off freeway into airport. NurburgRing style race circuit planned for Ko Samet. Brighton bootscooters slam music choice at island all night dance party. Research shows 10% of expats are sometimes sober. Vivacious and beautiful female traveller calls shy, unattractive sex tourist loser a loser. No chance of ‘98 financial crisis repeat, claims government. Thai central banker perplexed: “Profligate lending? Capital adequacy ratio? The credit multiplier? Please explain?” British males agree best part of Thai travel is ease of access to Premier League replays. 5000 berth marina and cruise liner terminal announced for Ko Poda. Research indicates football fans sulk for an average 3 days when replays show their side losing. Disproportionately high numbers of very pretty Thai females on Hat Yai to Singapore buses attributed to insatiable demand for secretarial services. Stall holders treated for shock after Israeli bargain hunters visit Chiang Mai night market. 80% of this forum’s culture experts have no idea. 25 backpackers crushed in rush for discount dreadlocks. New Zealand, Australian and Thai authorities sign new 6 month visa-free agreement. Isan farmers begin moving nervous sheep to Laos. Pedantic Swiss tourist saves second half of duty free booze for second half of trip. Bob Marley fans riot after “Hotel California” announced top tune by KSR bar owners. Grinning and exhausted young Brit says, “She was really a guy? Blimey!” Defence spokesperson “mystified” when questioned about army purchase of logging trucks. Katoey association announces end to backdoor discounts. Holidaying Wall St commodity trader moans about spike in KPG accommodation prices around Full Moon Party time. 35 year old traveller clams: “Samui is way better now.” International airport planned for Ko Nangyuan. Tired and emotional gap year girl whines, “Send more money.” Strange kilometre long skidmarks through front door of Cha Am bar and grill lead police to missing skateboarder undergoing post-flight debriefing with go go dancers in mud-wrestling pit. * 100% of this forum’s weather nerd has no idea .

and still both the funniest and best advice for Thailand.

it seems that nowadays 95% of newbies have no idea at all.-inflation?
there is NO rent-controlled housing in BKK Well, there may-be, but then its city-owned and for its own workers.

Hi tezza,
since you seem to be stuck at home with no prospect of Thailand in the near future (LOL), perhaps youĺl have the time to give me a piece of advice...(again;-)
Have you been to the Togians yet? Í was thinking about late honeymoon just for me and Mr. in June, and simply don´t feel like going to bali or the gilis again.
Cheers in advance & have fun!

No he hasn't been to the Togians but I have. PM me if you need any info. There are some pics in my profile if you want to take a look.

Hey tezza, I just posted some new pics for you on the recent Ko Phayam thread

Edited by: somebodyelse

Edited by: Andreas_at_LP

Very funny tezza, cheers for re-posting :-)

More cheers to Andreas for re-posting.