Walking wallet/ATM

Does anyone remember that sometime back there was a post asking what things you regretted doing or not doing on you overseas trips.
This got quite a lot of responses. One I have remembered was a reply saying that they had always regretted not giving the becak driver who had driven them around for some time $200 to buy his own and be able to run his own business.
He/she didn't say they were asked for it but must have enquired as to the cost. (I think it was a becak from memory, as a bemo would have been far more than that) That said $200 is a lot different to $2000!

Don't bother with excuses Luke.
They will surely find a "solution" to the banking problem, extending the awkward correspodence.
Simply ignoring them will work best.
Come on, you surely shouldn't feel sorry for "offending" or losing such "friends", of all???

<blockquote>Quote
<hr>In Indonesia, not surprisingly, the culture is different. Friendship and money- or love and money for that matter; these are not easily separated from each other. In fact, they are often indivisible. It is part of the culture; its modus operandi; and also a commentary on how the effects of living on very little shapes the qualities defining human relationships. Friendship is in part measured by its capacity to help one survive. Marriage definitely falls in that category. That is one good reason why the scammers here are so brazen. Monetary requests are nothing unusual.<hr></blockquote>

OK but the OP's "friends" are a Taiwanese and a "westerner" not local Indonesians. Furthermore, judging from what the OP wrote she barely knew them and the amount of money requested is A$2000 or US$1658 or EUR1229. Either way you look at it, it's an awful lot of money to ask of/pass out to people you barely know. In the case of the Indonesians wouldn't that be of close friends and family then of "casual aquantances"? So it seemed like this arguement is irrelevant to the OP's case is it not?

#24 I'm a male.

When i'm in a situation like this, I explain how i am slowly paying off a big debt. (It's not really a lie to be perfectly honest). I'll exagerate and say it's US$5000. If they're real friends, then they would be sympathetic to your needs right?

Even if the people are being truthfull and honest, giving them money will just encourage them to keep asking other foreigners.

other possible scenarios:
you recently became unemployed, you're saving up for your wedding, you're using your life savings to pay for your trip, you just bought a car back in your home country, etc....

any other ideas?

Hi,

Re #26, I think that finding excuses isn't necessary or useful because it might raise hopes that LATER you will have the money or that perhaps the next person will say yes (see what happened to the OP when he gave his excuse!). I prefer to just politely explain that I don't have money on hand to lend out - simple as that. I may even explain also if it's someone I don't know very well that it really isn't that usual or even polite in my country to ask to borrow money from someone you don't know really know. IF it's someone that I do know quite well, then I MAY well consider it, but it would need to be exceptional circumstances and like Laszlo, I would always be working on the notion that I will probably never see that money again. Like others, I learnt this the hard way. Even in the West it can be pretty tough going to ask someone to give you back money they have lent. And even more so in super polite Indonesia - there's a good chance the person who borrowed the money will feel as though they are losing face if the money is requested and they don't have it (or didn't really think they would have to pay it back...) and they will just start to steer clear of you. So you may even LOSE a friend over it. I never mix friendship and money!

I think that the OP knows that the big mistake he made was giving the couple HOPE that he WOULD lend the money if he could get it from the bank. It's best to just politely say no in the first place.

I certainly wouldn't be as ready to label this a scam, although it could be. If I were you OP, I would just tell them, look I thought maybe I could lend you the money, but I can't - apologise profusely and then just don't engage in any further discussion with them about it - just lots of polite smiles. If it is authentic, they will find a solution, I am sure.

Just got an sms from them this morning, I ignored it but that's difficult, if they 'call' me then I'll have to try to think of an excuse, but won't worry about that now. When they called me previously their number showed up as “private number", which is difficult to ignore. #26, I thought of that too then I thought that they might think "if this guy can afford to pay for a wedding or car, he surely has the money to help us".

I think #27 has really hit the nail on the head, OP, and highlighted your original mistake - making further excuses will only let the whole sorry situation drag on and on. Uncomfortable as it might be it's probably time for a hard, definite "NO!" If not, this will go on forever...

I recently returned to Australia after a six-year stint in Java. I also thought I had made friends with folk, and then they'd tell me about their sick mother or failing business or the LPG running out, and often I would "lend" them money. I must have been a sucker, as I even loaned AU$1000.00 to my neighbour who needed to get her homecrafts business going.

In ALL cases, these 'friends' stopped contacting me, and I never, ever got one cent back. My monthly salary at the time was Rp3juta (AU$400.00)

After the earthquake in Yogyakarta, I tried to contact my homecrafts friend so that some of this money could be used amongst my neighbours to repair their houses, but the silence has been complete.

Now, if anyone is interested, I have this amazing offer going in Nigeria.... :-)

All I can say is that after reading several posts on this thread, I am absolutely amazed by how naive (and generous!) well-meaning Bule can be.