Bar entertainment in San Francisco
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A
Noc Noc
Who’s there? Nearsighted graffiti artists, anarchist bike messengers moonlighting as electronica DJs, and other characters straight out of an R Crumb comic, that’s who. The sake cocktails will knock you off your stool.
reviewed
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B
Zeitgeist Bar
When temperatures rise, bikers and hipsters converge on Zeitgeist's huge outdoor beer garden for 40 brews on tap and late-night tamales.
reviewed
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C
Vesuvio
Guy walks into a bar, roars and leaves. Without missing a beat, the bartender says to the next customer, ‘Welcome to Vesuvio, honey – what can I get you?’ It takes a lot more than a barbaric yawp to get Vesuvio’s regulars to glance up from their microbrewed beers. Kerouac blew off Henry Miller to go on a bender here, and after knocking back a couple with neighborhood characters, you’ll get why.
reviewed
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D
Specs’
Hidden on a tiny pedestrian alley, cavelike Specs’ draws barflies in the afternoon and hipsters, literary radicals and other colorful local characters in the evening. It’s also a sort of museum, packed with weird ephemera culled from ports around the globe – nobody’s sure which species’ desiccated penis hangs behind the bar, but everyone agrees it’s from a marine mammal.
reviewed
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E
Gold Dust Lounge
Precarious Victorian brass chandeliers hover over a bar full of visitors and a twangy rockabilly band at this Union Square anachronism, where the gold paint has lost its glitter and pints are no longer cheap. But there’s something of a time-machine effect in the swinging doors, coat stands and nude paintings – you almost expect someone to beckon you to a brothel upstairs.
reviewed
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F
Beretta
After a busy day shopping on Valencia St, nothing hits the spot like Beretta’s lip-smacking seasonal cocktails, made with fresh everything. But consider avoiding this place during peak dinner hours, when the small storefront restaurant-and-bar gets packed and deafeningly loud. Good cracker-crust pizzas.
reviewed
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G
Buena Vista Café
Warm your cockles with a prim little goblet of bitter-creamy Irish coffee, introduced to the US at this destination bar that once served sailors and cannery workers. The creaky Victorian floor manages to hold up carousers and families alike, served community-style at round tables overlooking the wharf.
reviewed
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H
Medjool Sky Terrace
SF’s only open-air rooftop bar has knockout views, a party crowd, Mediterranean small plates and tasty (cash-only) cocktails, but as of this writing, noise-sensitive neighbors were pressing the city to pull its permit. Great on a warm evening, but call ahead.
reviewed
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I
Li Po
A fave of the Beat poets, Li Po’s fake-grotto decor comes with lurid 1960s-era plush red booths, bartenders shouting in Cantonese and an unexpected Chinese-meets-hipster clientele. On slow nights, it may be just you and the barkeep watching TV.
reviewed
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J
Doc’s Clock
Dig the dazzling neon sign at this happy-mellow, green-certified dive that’s always good for a few pints, shuffleboard and conversation. Every second and fourth Tuesday is local-filmmaker night, with screenings of indie shorts and $2 draft PBR.
reviewed
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Trad’r Sam’s
Snag a rattan island-themed booth at this threadbare faux-tiki gem. Classic-kitsch lovers order the Hurricane, which comes with two straws to share for a reason: drink it by yourself and it’ll blow you away.
reviewed
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Tosca Cafe
With red-vinyl booths and a jukebox of opera and Sinatra, Tosca is quintessential old-guard North Beach.
reviewed
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M
Redwood Room
We love the landmark Redwood Room, with its walls paneled from a single ancient redwood tree. For years it was San Francisco’s most iconic bar, inside one of its most storied hotels. Then Philippe Starck got hold of the place, making it horrifically trendy, mounting plasma screens on the walls (sin of sins), installing his now-tired-looking signature furniture, and raising cocktail prices through the roof. Still, it’s worth seeing the room on a quiet weeknight, but never on weekends, when Carrie Bradshaw wannabes jam the place and aggressive bouncers fail to remember they exist in service of guests, not the other way round.
reviewed
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N
Poleng Lounge
Tea-infused cocktails and soju (grain alcohol) drinks are specialties at this Filipino-street-food restaurant that becomes a cool DJ lounge after 10pm, drawing scenester locals for underground hip-hop, rooted in late-‘80s, top-40, not gangster. Black Eyed Peas used to do a free weekly jam at Poleng years ago. Now it’s a hive of industry insiders – Rza, leader of the Wu-Tang Clan, hangs here. The front room is way sexier, with Asian statuary and water trickling down textured-concrete walls; the back room is for dancing (when it happens), but it’s little more than a box with kick-ass sound. No need to dress fancy.
reviewed
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O
EZ5
Don’t worry if you’re not looking your best – EZ5’s lighting is dim, with blue and red strings of Christmas lights that are reminiscent of a long-since-over New Year’s Eve party. But the ’80s-ish cherry-red vinyl seating isn’t sticky, the disco ball still turns, and crowds show up at happy hour and on weekends after 11pm for DJ beats (house and hip-hop) to kick-start the otherwise dead room. If nobody’s here, console yourself with Ms Pac Man.
reviewed
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P
Asiasf
The name that everyone who's been to SF drops when you mention you've booked your airfare. You know, the all-Asian tranny lounge with respectable drinks served by waitresses who'll make you look thrice and you still aren't sure? Well, it's as they say, only there's a twist: the dinner menu. With such a distinctive draw, it's not like AsiaSF needed the Asia-dilla, a quesadilla with duck, peppers, and sundried-cherry crème fraîche. Look out, ladies: we've got a scene-stealer.
reviewed
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Q
Hemlock Tavern
When you wake up tomorrow with peanut shells in your hair (weren’t they all over the floor?), a stiff neck from rocking entirely too hard to the Family Curse (weren’t they good?) and someone else’s mascara on your armpit (should we even ask?), you’ll know it was another successful night at the Hemlock. Weekday nights, stand-up comedy and literary readings are anything but staid among this motley crowd of raucous, party-hardy San Franciscans.
reviewed
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R
Mighty
In a former warehouse sequestered in a no-man’s land between SoMa, the Mission and Potrero Hill, Mighty packs a no-bullshit wallop with its awesome sound system, underground dance music, urban vibe, graffiti-esque art, and cool local crowd that doesn’t fuss about dress codes. Always-good weekend DJs (occasionally big names) veer towards electronic, dance-house and hip-hop. Call ahead or check the website for weeknight opening hours and to find out what’s on.
reviewed
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S
Bambuddha Lounge
Vinyl beds, mojitos and occasional glimpses of B-grade rock stars through bamboo thickets – Bambuddha is SF’s answer to Miami. We dig the hot bartenders and cool poolside happy hour (5:30-7pm Wed-Fri) on sunny afternoons, but evenings can go either way, when the pool closes and well-scrubbed 20-to-30-somethings flirt with each other inside the minimalist concrete space and groove to club-dance music.
reviewed
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Midnight Sun
A favorite of khaki-clad suburbanites who aren’t entirely comfortable socializing unless there’s something specific to divert attention, Midnight Sun is a video bar. The Dynasty era marked its heyday, but crowds still come for American Idol, and it remains a reliable place to…well, watch TV. Neighborhood gay boys sometimes anagram the velcro letter-board sign outside the club (management hates this).
reviewed
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U
Bar 821
Bar 821 has a noteworthy selection of Belgian beers, but seems to want everyone to know that it doesn't want to be discovered by anyone. There's no sign out front (look for a bit of decorative neon around the door), and the highly visible house rules instruct patrons not to tell anyone about the place. (This review violates Rule No 5.) Another odd twist: the doors close nightly at 23:00 for an 'after-party' that ends at midnight.
reviewed
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V
Orbit Room
A fashionable mixed crowd is attracted to the Orbit Room, a postindustrial art-deco bar. It stays open late and boasts a good jukebox and panoramic windows, and its sidewalk tables make it well suited to lingering over coffee or draught beer. Tuesday nights feature bartender Alberta Straub, who's either a total genius or the meanest cuss on the planet, depending how serious you are about your cocktails.
reviewed
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W
Tunnel Top Bar
You can’t tell who’s local and who’s not in this happening, chill two-story bar with exposed beams, beer-bottle chandelier, and rickety balcony that always seems about ready to give out. The owners are French, and their Gallic friends throng the place, tapping their toes to conscious hip-hop (think Common, not Little Wayne) and boom-boom house music, the SF soundtrack. Cash only.
reviewed
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Tonga Room
Tonight’s San Francisco weather: 100% chance of tropical rainstorms every 20 minutes, but only around the top-40 band playing on the island in the middle of the indoor pool – you’re safe in your grass hut. For a more powerful hurricane, order one in a plastic coconut. Note: at this writing, the future of the city’s most famous tiki bar was uncertain; call ahead.
reviewed
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Y
Saloon
A stalwart North Beach dive, the Saloon survived the 1906 fire when its loyal patrons brandished buckets of beer and wine to quench the flames. Today it’s the oldest bar in SF, dating from 1861, and hasn’t had a coat of paint in decades, which is exactly why disheveled old-timers and local hipsters love it. Blues and rock bands perform nightly and from 4pm weekend afternoons.
reviewed
