Bar entertainment in New Orleans
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A
Hi Ho Lounge
The Hi Ho is a perfect Bywater bar, the sort of place where you’re as likely to compare tattoos with the guy sitting next to you as witness a local second-line after party. Costume parties and punk concerts seem to take place frequently, and the atmosphere is redolent of a barnyard decorated by a farm full of Jimi Hendrix roadies.
reviewed
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B
Napoleon House
Just as the best emperors are the deposed ones, the best bars are those that have seen better days. Having opened its doors in 1797, Napoleon House is a particularly attractive example of what Walker Percy termed ‘vital decay.’ By all appearances, its stuccoed walls haven’t received so much as a dab of paint in over two centuries, and the diffuse glow pouring through the open doors and windows in the afternoon draws out the room’s gorgeous patina. The back courtyard is also pleasant, day or night. As an added bonus, the place has a colorful connection to Bonaparte himself: after the emperor was banished to St Helena, a band of loyal New Orleanians reputedly plotted to sna…
reviewed
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C
Pat O’Brien’s
For a tourist trap, Pat O’Brien’s has genuine atmosphere and history, though the gift shop does lend a whiff of commercialism, and the Bourbon St boozeoisie has the run of the joint. Anyways, the bar could be in a barren white room and folks would still pack in for the trademark drink, the Hurricane, a lethal 29oz blend of rum, orange juice, pineapple juice and grenadine. ‘Hey, this doesn’t taste strong at all!’ Thirty minutes later: ‘Dude. I love you sho much. Whash yer name agin?’ The back courtyard, lit by flaming fountains, has an obvious allure for anyone who remembers wanting to jump ship during the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland.
reviewed
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D
Cooter Brown’s Tavern & Oyster Bar
Cooter’s is a Riverbend local that takes its beer seriously, serving over 40 draft brews and hundreds of international bottled brews. College kids, local characters and Uptown swells drop in for a few brews and freshly shucked oysters, or to shoot pool or watch sports on TV. While you’re joining them in any of these activities, pause to appreciate the tavern’s ‘Beersoleum & Hall of Foam’ – a gallery of 100 plaster bas-relief statuettes of everybody from Liberace to Chairman Mao, each holding a bottle of beer (Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa and Andy Warhol also appear). This curious, still-growing exhibit is the work of the uniquely talented Scott Conary.
reviewed
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E
Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop
This gutted brick cottage is one of the most atmospheric in the Quarter; it’s a bit of a crying shame it feels like a frat boy hang-out half the time. Rumors hold that this was once the workshop of the smuggler Jean Lafitte and his brother Pierre. Whether that tasty bit of lore is true or not (historical records suggest ‘not’), the ancient house did go up in the 18th century and endured the fires that destroyed most of the French Quarter during the Spanish era. This is the oldest bar in the Quarter, but that sense of history is thrown out the window at night (in a fun way), when drunk tourists gather round the back-room piano and sing along to Fats Domino and Otis Redding…
reviewed
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F
Tropical Isle
Everyone has a Tropical Isle memory. Usually, it’s pretty fuzzy. This is an unabashed Bourbon St tourist bar that serves ‘Hand Grenades’; you can tell thanks to a subtle marketing campaign wherein a guy in a hand-grenade suit stands outside the bar. Drinking more than two Hand Grenades is usually the kicker to a night that involves screaming the lyrics of ‘Sweet Home Alabama’/’Sweet Child O’ Mine’/Insert Other ‘Sweet’ Titled Song Here, table dancing, bead tossing, bead receiving, the random mashing of tongues down strangers’ throats and the eventual gathering of the limp shreds of your dignity the next day. Woo!
reviewed
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G
Abbey
The riffraff congregating in this atmospheric Decatur St dive tend to dress in black. The place has a faded and jaded port-of-call feel to it, with blasé bartenders, transient hipsters and shifty-looking characters. You needn’t be pierced or tattooed to fit in, but a little Joe Strummer swagger won’t hurt. The jukebox reflects these sensibilities, but also includes rocking sides by the original Man in Black. And if you’re seeking Lee Hazelwood’s brand of trouble, the juke here has that covered, too. At least stop by for a shot of Jack if you’re prowling the Lower Quarter.
reviewed
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H
Jean Lafitte’s Old Absinthe House
The Old Absinthe House is rightfully a place you should come to check out the historic bar, rather than drink at it, as the customer base is of the bottom-shelf Bourbon St sort. Here’s the skinny: this historic spot was opened in 1807. A number of bars in New Orleans, including this one, served absinthe before it was outlawed in 1914. The mysterious beverage had a psychotropic allure – wormwood was the active ingredient – but it allegedly sent enthusiasts to the loony bin. Today, Herbsaint, a locally produced anisette, is a relatively safe stand-in for old absinthe-based drinks.
reviewed
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I
Vic’s Kangaroo Café
Here’s a little something to make Australians either sick or prone to bust out the Anzac Day regalia: Vic’s phone number is, no joke, 524-GDAY. There are all kinds of other Australia-themed tat here, and while we admittedly haven’t met any diggers at the bar, there must be some around. There’s a kangaroo with boxing gloves on the sign, right? Well, if there aren’t any Australians here, there certainly are plenty of service staff from downtown’s restaurants, who pour into Vic’s when they get off their shifts and generally turn it upside down under (heh).
reviewed
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J
Dos Jefes Uptown Cigar Bar
Long touted as one of New Orleans’ better venues for modern jazz, Dos Jefes is also a great spot for a smoke. Patrons can select from a list of 40 fine cigars, light up and puff plumes of sweet-smelling smoke into the room. There’s a ridiculously addictive game outside where you try and hook a ring on a string to a series of hooks; if aliens ever wanted to catch the male population of New Orleans off guard, they need only install this toy in every one of the city’s backyards.
reviewed
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K
Pirate’s Alley Cafe
The narrow pedestrian alley hidden in the shadow of St Louis Cathedral is a natural spot for a tiny little bar, and this nook fits the bill perfectly. It’s owned by friendly folk and has the atmosphere of a little Montparnasse hideaway with no claim to fame. You can snag a stool at the bar and meet the regular characters who seem to drop by every few minutes, or claim a table out on the alley and soak up the atmosphere of the Old Quarter. There’s lots of pirate-themed fun going on.
reviewed
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L
Cure
It’s rare that a genuinely innovative bar comes along, so hooray for Cure. Set in a smooth and polished space with a Zen outdoor garden, this is where you come for a well-mixed drink, period. Try the appropriately dubbed Howitzer (bourbon, bitters, lemon juice and magic), which will pretty much blow your sobriety to smithereens. The staff take mixology and atmosphere seriously here, and in the evening you need to come correct: no shorts and sandals for guys.
reviewed
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M
Ms Mae’s
Calling Ms Mae’s a dive is like calling the Pacific Ocean a body of water; it’s technically true, but kind of misses the spirit of the thing. How this 24-hour den of all that is sinful, grotty and fun has survived in its location right across from a police precinct remains a mystery. See if you can spot Ms Mae herself; she looks, well, exactly like a Louisiana lady who manages one of the toughest bars in the city. Be nice and she might do a shot with you.
reviewed
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Snake & Jakes
When you see the grey light of dawn creep under the door and hear the birds chirp their infuriating morning song of happiness at Snake & Jakes, pat yourself on the back: you, friend, are an honorary New Orleanian. It’s unsigned, decked out in Christmas lights and located in what looks like a tool shed. When someone says, ‘Let’s go to Snakes, ’ that’s a sure sign the night is either going to get much better, or immeasurably worse.
reviewed
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O
Polo Lounge
You probably didn’t come to New Orleans to fox hunt, but if the spirit to do so ever moved you, this bar, in the Windsor Court Hotel, would be a good place for psyching yourself up. The overstuffed chairs, tweedy bookshelves, nightly jazz and soft clink of hushed merry-making is meant to evoke aristocratic Olde England. In this sense the Polo Lounge goes way over the top, but hey, have a glass of sherry and enjoy it for what it is.
reviewed
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Pravda
If you couldn’t guess from the name, Pravda trades in on a Soviet-chic theme. But while the lighting, all dark and red and sexy, would probably make a KGB officer happy, the vintage furniture and inked-up bar staff are distinctly New Orleans. The soft atmosphere belies a fun-loving clientele sipping (or shooting) off the best vodka and absinthe menu in the city; if strong spirits are your thing, this bar is a must-try.
reviewed
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Q
Fahy’s
One of the surest signs of a good bar is its popularity with chefs, who generally demand a high-quality drink after a long day in the kitchen. Fahy’s is very popular with French Quarter service staff getting off their shifts, which is as high a praise as any local bar could hope for. Dogs are welcome and generally in abundance (another sign of a friendly spot), and the pool tables clack until the wee hours.
reviewed
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Mid-City Yacht Club
The Yacht Club, a quintessential post-softball-game kind of pub, is so much a part of the neighborhood one of the owners took his boat out to save flooded Katrina victims after the storm (hence the name of the bar, which isn’t anywhere near a lake or ocean). And so much a part of the neighborhood the neighborhood is literally a part of it: the bar is actually made from wood salvaged from storm debris.
reviewed
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F&M Patio Bar
On weekends, every college student in Louisiana tests the structural integrity of F&M’s leopard-print pool tables by dancing on them. For the rest of the week this is a really nice place, with good pool going (on the aforementioned tables), a nice grill slinging killer cheese fries and a semi-outdoor area that’s well-suited for a cold beer under the hot sun.
reviewed
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Monkey Hill Bar
Toward the quiet end of Magazine St, Monkey Hill looks and feels like a neighborhood bar, which it basically is. But it’s one of the best happy-hour (3pm to 8pm week nights) spots in this part of town and hosts some good live music on a monthly basis. If you’re getting off work and near Audubon Park, there’s no reason not to stop on in.
reviewed
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Saint Bar & Lounge
Ah…great backyard beer garden enclosed in duck blinds, tattooed young professionals, Tulane students, good shots, good beers, good times and a photo booth that you will inevitably end up doing something silly in before the night is through. It’s not the cleanest bar (nickname: the Taint), but it sure is a fun one.
reviewed
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Boot
The Boot, practically located within Tulane’s campus, could double as student housing for that university. If you’re within the vicinity of age 21, this place is a lot of fun; otherwise, you might think you’d accidentally stumbled into Athens what with all the Greeks (ie frat boys and sorority girls).
reviewed
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W
Lucy’s Retired Surfers Bar
Can’t you hear the Jack Johnson? Or maybe it’s Jimmy Buffet? Oh well, either way this is a beach-bum kinda spot oddly plopped in the middle of downtown. It’s decent for an after-work drink and some laid-back tropical times. Have something colorful and cold and we’ll see you at the next bar.
reviewed
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X
Igor’s Lounge
A good old neighborhood joint with a greasy grill, pool tables and washing machines. Igor’s constant rotation of characters makes it a good place to drop in if you’re making your way up or down St Charles Ave. Or make this your terminus if you’re staying nearby.
reviewed
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Y
Rendezvous
Very much a locals’ hangout, the Rendezvous is sort of made for just that – hopefully with a good group of friends. The pool tables and Golden Tee arcade game keep the collegiate crowd happy, while yuppie types stumble toward their favorite bartenders for good beer and banter.
reviewed
