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Laundry Bar
You can go with coin-operated or cointreau at this dark and groovy hybrid; as they say, 'get sloshed while you wash.' There's a decidedly gay vibe about, but Laundry Bar is relaxed and welcomes all, although you may have to step around breakdancing poseurs on weekends. By the way, you really can clean your clothes, although every couple in Miami is already making out on the washer units.
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Level 25
When Neo buys Morpheus a drink, they probably meet at this Conrad Hotel spot (guess which floor), where it's all long white lines, low black couches, pin-striped gorgeousity and God's eye views over Biscayne Bay.
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Lost Weekend
The Weekend is a grimy, sweaty, slovenly dive, filled with pool tables, cheap domestics and - hell yeah - a Golden Tee arcade game. God bless it. Popular with local waiters, kitchen staff and bartenders, so you know it's a good time.
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M Bar
The high-class lobby bar here may be tiny, but its martini menu - over 250 strong - isn't. And neither is the bird's-eye view, high up over shimmering Biscayne Bay.
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Mac's Club Deuce Bar
The oldest bar in Miami Beach (established in 1926), the Deuce is a real neighborhood bar and hype-free zone. It's just straight-up seediness, which, depending on your outlook, can actually be quite refreshing. Plan to see everyone from transgendered ladies to construction workers and hipsters to bikers.
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Mango's Tropical Cafe
Cuba meets Coyote Ugly in this tourist hotspot, where a staff of gorgeous and/or ripped bodies (take your pick) dances, gyrates and puts some serious booty on the floor. Of course, you're here for anthropological reasons: to study the nuances of Latin dance. Not to watch the bartender do that thing Shakira does with her butt.
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Mansion
Every night the lines stretch around the block as plebes beg, cajole and strut in a vain attempt to get past that damned red rope. Inside? Well, they don't call it 'Mansion' for nothing. Expect megaclub grandiosity, plenty of attitude, waiting in line for hours and the chance to see Lindsey Lohan do something tabloid-worthy.
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Miami Improv
Part of a national chain, this 3rd-floor club has the usual club-circuit suspects plus monthly Miami Comics, open-mic shows and Urban Nights, which feature stars from Comedy Central's Showtime, HBO's Def Comedy Jam and BET's Comic View.
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Mynt
Join the partying stars - Justin Timberlake, Vin Diesel, Britney Spears, etc - by bottle servicing yourself into the VIP section. Otherwise, make friends with the red rope until you can order a drink and then try not to spill it, which is tough in the sweaty scrum of models, Moet and mojitos.
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Nikki Beach
Get your groove on outdoors, wandering from immaculate gossamer beach cabana to cabana at Nikki's, which feels like a full moon party gone incredibly upscale. On Sunday ( Sunday !?) starting around it's the hottest party in town, as folks clamor to get in and relive whatever it was they did the night before. The attached Pearl Restaurant attracts the dinner club set. It's quite the cool-kid spot too, but who needs food when there are thongs in them thar hills?
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Noir Bar
On the 18th floor of this sleek Downtown high-rise you'll find Noir Bar: a dark and sexy lounge, all black except for splashes of orange and red which come courtesy of the geometric candles along the bar. Be sure to saunter into the lobby after a few drinks, where you can peer over the bay and into the night sky through a high-powered telescope.
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Opium Garden & Privé
Coveted and overrated, as far as we're concerned, but the Opium Group has a vice-like grip on the Miami Beach club scene that's hard to break. Once you're in, flash a wad to either score bottle service or buy your way into several layers of VIP room snobbery.
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Oxygen Lounge
This is the mall underground - literally - of Coconut Grove. It's an elegant, sprawling sushi bar/dance land with space-age decor and packs of Grove beauties, with theme night parties to rock your fine booty every night of the week.
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Pawn Shop
This den of hipness still has its original pawn shop facade, with signs announcing 'We buy diamonds' and 'We buy gold.' It's all about true (but glamorous) grit here - and varying DJs who spin funky, edgy electronica.
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Ps 14
In a city with justice, PS 14 would be packed every night of the week. Live gigs burn up the cute red-lit front room, while the back opens into a lush garden (you could almost forget you're on the edge of Overtown…) where DJs spin and folks chill if they ain't dancing, which you should be.
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Purdy Lounge
It's half club, half lounge and all intimate fun at this spot, tucked away from the fray and open to all, based on the mixed hetero-homo-white-Latino rainbow coalition clientele.
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Raleigh Hotel
While everyone else was trying to get all modern, the Raleigh painstakingly tried to restore itself to pre-war glory. It succeeded in a big way. Celebrity hotelier André Balazs managed to capture a tobacco-and-dark-wood men's club ambience and old-school elegance while simultaneously sneaking in modern design elements and amenities. Have a swim in the stunning pool; Esther Williams used to. Parking costs around US$30 per day.
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Room
The Room's a gem: a crowded, dimly lit boutique beer bar where you can guzzle the best (brew) Belgium has to offer and gawk at the best (hotties) Miami has to show off. It's hip as hell, but the attitude is as low-key as the sexy mood lighting.
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Rose Bar At The Delano
The ultrachic Rose Bar at this elegant Ian Schrager original is a watering hole for beautiful creatures (or at least those with a healthy ego). Get ready to pay up for the privilege - but also prepare to enjoy it. The tiki bar in the back of the Delano is another winner; wait for staff to set out a wrought-iron table in the shallow end of the pool and you'll start rethinking your definition of opulence.
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Sagamore
Should you need a more refined vibe than the madness at the Delano, walk into this cool white lobby, sit across from the plaster death masks (there when we visited anyways), tell 'em hello and have a nice glass of Chardonnay.
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Sandbar
Sandbar's a little slice of Florida Keys culture - nautical crap on the walls and sport-n-surf-n-fishin' ambience - in the midst of the urban jungle.
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Score
Muscle boys with mustaches, glistening six-packs gyrating on stage, and a crowd of men who've decided shirts really aren't their thing: do we need to spell out the orientation of Score's customer base? It's still the best dedicated gay bar on the beach, and the addition of the more mature Crème Lounge upstairs will undoubtedly raise the cachet of this perennial favorite.
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Skybar
We've never seen so many beautiful people packed into one place, anywhere. Skybar became the bar to beat as soon as it opened, and frankly, it remains so to this day. The three-part venue is fabulous: chill al fresco in a Sultan's pleasure garden under enormous, wrought-iron Moroccan lanterns, gaze at the patricians dining in nearby Nobu, or try (and fail, if you're an unlisted travel writer) to get into the all-crimson, all-A-list Red Room.
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Sofi Lounge
Not long after its arrival, Sofi Lounge was touted in a Miami Herald article as being 'an oasis for skateboarders, surfers, models, club promoters and others disenchanted with the increasingly glutted and pretentious South Beach club scene.' So if you count yourself among them, head here - a dark and narrow space with DJs, live music and special events.
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Space
This multilevel warehouse is Miami's main megaclub. With 30,000 sq ft to fill, dancers have room to strut, and an around-the-clock liquor license redefines the concept of after-hours. DJs usually pump each floor with a different sound - hip-hop, Latin, heavy trance - while the infamous rooftop lounge is the place to be for sunrise.
