Pacific Northwest Kitsch

Article by: Becky Ohlsen, June 2008

The Pacific Northwest is known as a nuturing haven of progressive thought, so not many visitors realize how well the region also lends itself to backsliding comfortably into a primal, troglodytic state. Where else, after all, can you party with trolls, make like a caveman and be sent to detention, all on the same trip? The area's rainy isolation ensures that weirdness thrives like mushrooms. Twin Peaks, anyone? Stonehenge replica? Or how about a petrol station shaped like a teapot?

Caveman wedding

Oregon must have been a wild place in olden days. One of the little-known facts revealed during a tour of the Oregon Caves National Monument, south of Grants Pass along Hwy 199, concerns the Oregon Cavemen, who used to hold raucous parties in the caves. They'd dress in fur, carry clubs, grunt at each other and drag their cavewomen around by the hair, while in the background DJs spun dance music. The Cavemen got their start in 1922 when a group of Grants Pass businessmen decided it would be a clever way to promote tourism. In 1936, the group staged a Caveman wedding. Unsurprisingly, it was a media hit. Fur suits are still recommended for tours of the cave, as the temperature inside is 44°F (7°C) year-round. Tickets are US$8.50 for adults, US$6 for children. Tours last 90 minutes and run from mid-March through November.

The Fremont Troll, Seattle

One of the first things you'll hear about from any Seattle resident is the Fremont Troll. It's an 18ft-high cement figure, made of 2 tons of ferro-concrete, lurking under a bridge and part-way through a snack of delicious Volkswagen. The troll's menacing chrome eye glares out at oglers. Recent visitors have noted that the troll is beginning to smell, thanks to it becoming a prime beer-drinking hangout among the local youth. It's an unlikely attraction, or rather, it would be unlikely anywhere but in Fremont. This is the Seattle neighborhood that's also home to topiary dinosaurs, a rocket lodged in the roof of a building, a 16-ft bronze replica of Vladimir Lenin (for sale! Cnr 36th & Evanston), and a statue of people waiting for a train that's never passed the spot (Waiting for the Interurban, N 34th Street at Fremont Avenue N). In this context, the Fremont Troll makes perfect sense. To find the troll, look beneath the north end of the Aurora Bridge (not the Fremont Bridge) at North 36th Street in Fremont.

Detention Bar, Portland

If you've been naughty, but not so naughty that you feel you deserve a spanking, maybe all you need is a few hours in detention: the Detention Bar, that is. This tiny nook in the Portland's Kennedy School, part of the local McMenamins chain of bars and restaurants in restored buildings, serves pizza, beer and wine, cigars and single-malt scotches. It's open daily 5pm until late. The Kennedy School also has hotel rooms (US$99-130), a theatre, restaurant, soaking pool and brewery. Tel: 503 249 3983, 888 249 3983; 5736 NE 33rd Ave, Portland.

I'm a Little Teapot

It's a bit Alice in Wonderland: an outsized teapot standing inexplicably at the side of the road. Rumor has it this former gas station, built in 1922, was intended as a satirical comment on President Warren G. Harding's 'Teapot Dome' oil scandal; no word on Harding's response. Now listed on the National Register of Historic Places, the teapot has ceased operation and is awaiting rescue. Plans are in the works to move it into the town of Zillah and convert it into a visitors centre. Until then you can find it on the Yakima Valley Hwy near Zillah; take I-82 south from Yakima to Exit 54. Cross the freeway heading west; the teapot is on the southwest side of the frontage road.

Lynchian landmarks

The towns of Snoqualmie and North Bend, in Washington, are Twin Peaks country, the setting for David Lynch's early 90s TV series. North Bend is home to the former Mar T's Cafe, now called Twede's, the diner with the famous cherry pie and cups of joe. A fire gutted it in 2000, but it has been rebuilt and is still a good place for lunch, a slice of pie, and maybe some YouTube-friendly scene re-enactments. Exterior footage was shot near Salish Lodge and Spa (tel: 425 888 2556, 800 826 6124; rooms from US$280), the resort atop 268ft Snoqualmie Falls. Visitors can gaze at the falls, featured in the show's opening titles sequence, from the lodge's dining room or hike to the base along a winding trail. About an hour's drive away is the town of Roslyn, the setting of the series Northern Exposure, also on the oddball side (though much lighter fare than Lynch's series).

Stonehenge

We Americans can totally beat the English at their own game: just check out our pristine version of their crumbly old Stonehenge. No dents! Built on the Columbia River near Maryhill, along Interstate 84 between Oregon and Washington, this neat and tidy ring of monoliths is a memorial for soldiers who fought in WWI. Overlooking the wide open river valley below, it makes for a surreal picnic spot, as well as a fitting location for playing out any pagan fantasies one might secretly harbour. Signposts around the monument describe the exploits of its builder, the larger-than-life Sam Hill.