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the dubious thai - cambodian scam bus, eh?

the border in question, for the record, is aranyaprathet/poipet, the most travelled crossing from bangkok to siem reap.

i knew before i alighted the bus on sunday 6th sept that it was the scam bus i was boarding. i didn't really care, to be honest. i had to get out of bangkok ASAP especially as i had seven days to get to saigon for my return flight back to europe. at 400baht and a time frame of doom it had to be done. have to say, it was made a lot easier given the fact i'd done some forward reading and been de-briefed by others.

the scam bus is famous. probably as famous as the laos - vietnam scam bus. anyone who's been to se asia has either been or one or the other or spoken to someone who'd been on it. let's just say it's pretty fucking entertaining from start to finish.

i don't really use travel guides much. i'd never used one before coming to asia. one thing the lonely planet is good for is the following: border crossings, maps and... wait for it... the sections highlighted as DANGERS AND ANNOYANCES. in the mekon delta and i soon found out the guide to cambodia, there's a massive section, in a frame, titled SCAM BUS!

the scams are exactly as outlined in the travel guide, exactly how other people explained to me and yet people fall for these scams time and time again. we tried explaining to the others "DON'T DO IT!", but think at first they thought we were just being stingey and awkward, 'til reality sunk in!

if you're ever planning on travelling overland from bangkok to siem reap then take heed of the following!

scam #1: so i'm sat outside the travel agent on kao san road chatting with a japanese guy who was waiting for the same dubious bus. some over zealous and cheery thai agent comes along with all the paperwork for the cambodian visa. i start filling it out then once done, he's like "that's $36". erm, hang on, the cambodian visa only costs $20. so i basically tell him, in a more eloquent manner, to cock right off. he then starts to say i'll hold the bus up, i may have to wait at the border for three days (!!!!!!), he can offer an express service... i look at him and tell him firmly, there's no fucking way i'm paying $36 for him to slip almost double the visa's worth into his back pocket. he walks off, rather pissed off and infuriated at me. do i care? do i fuck.

scam #2: so you get to the bus and they make you wait at the border for ages. this i don't mind. when you're eventually into cambodia you stop at some gash awful service station for another hour or so. that i don't mind either. just get me to siem reap and that's all i care about. the reason why they do this is so you arrive into siem reap around 7/8pm (this whole journey should take approx. seven hours, it took us 12. no sweat, like i said, i knew what i was in for). my friend nathalie did this journey in reverse and it she was in bangkok by 4pm. another reason why they draw this out is so that when you arrive into siem reap you'll stay at one of their overpriced guesthouses in the shadiest suburbs of town. whilst you're enduring scam #2 the aforementioned gibroni will constantly mither you to fill out the forms and insist that there's no way you can get through without him doing so. bite your tongue and don't give in.

now let's look at scam #1 and #2. as it was around the time of the full moon party in thailand the bus was a lot quieter than normal, apparently. i'd say there was about thirty people on it. so looking at scam #1 only three people refused to give some bawbag an extra $16 to do something that basically involves yourself walking up to the counter and handing over your dollar dollar bill, y'all. $16 split between him and whichever cambodian offical/mafia/police officer, times by 27 people equates to roughly $432. not fucking bad for a quiet day's work!!!!! myself and coincidentally two other mancunians were the only ones who point blank refused. it's utter, utter bollocks that you slow the queue down. my japanese friend arrived onto the bus on the cambodian side approx. 45mins after we did. call that an express service?

one thing that i did give into, but not for want of trying, was forking out 100baht/$3 extra for the visa. picture the scene:

you go up to the counter, there's a MASSIVE sign hung on the wall saying "TOURIST VISA $20". the cambodian offical says it'll be $23. i laugh, point and ask why. he then gets irate, starts screaming in my face that i'm fucking deaf, stupid and can't i listen (his words, not mine). so i retaliate by shouting and pointing as he himself did, saying "can't you read, the sign says $20!". he gives some lame excuse about the fact we're not at the embassy -no shit, sherlock- and them's the rules. i suddenly thought, what's 3 bucks to a guy who's gonna determine whether or not i get into his kingdom when the rest of the bus have paid $16 more.

scam #3: okay, i'd been made fully aware of this one by the lads i went to koh phagnan with, they'd been stung by it and to be honest, who wouldn't if you'd never visted cambodia before or knew any better?

so you're in no-man's land, well you've just made it through the border and waiting for the dregs of the bus to get through. our enthusiastic tour guide points to the money exchange and suggests you change your dollars there as they don't accept $ in cambodia. the exchange rate there is pitiful. again, i reiterate, bull. shit. so you get to cambodia, withdraw cash and alas! the ATMs churn out freshly printed US dollars, bars accept dollars, as does the night market and tuk tuks! my mates got ripped off by about £15 each. it sounds plausible if you've never been to the country before, who's to know? again, if you think about the number of people doing this crossing, then again, it's not half bad for a day's work. i'm not frugal, nor am i a tight arse, but one thing i'm almost definitely not is wanting to be taken for a fucking mug or fool. it's the principle of the whole ordeal that both riled and entertained me immensely.

so when we're at the second stop waiting and wondering when we were actually gonna leave for siem reap myself and a guy we'd met decide to go ask the driver if he could show us on a map where in town he was gonna be dropping us off. suddenly he doesn't speak any english. a girl who was on our bus runs to our mercy and hark! she can speak cambodian. BINGO! all he'd tell her was that we'd be dropped at a "gas station". bloody hell!

some fun happened on the scam bus, met some legends. one guy at the service station was sat eating a subway sandwich he'd bought in bangkok. some guy walks up to him, looking pretty hungover and rough dog, and was like "holy shit! did you buy that here?!". the guy who was enjoying his meat feast of a sarnie was like "yeah man, just round the corner!". the rest of us look at each other then as "subway boy" runs off to find is fodder, we ask him if that's his pal. "nah, never seen him before in my life!!!". god knows what happened to subway boy, he certainly didn't get back on our bus, hopefully he was on the other scam bus. oh, and for the record, i didn't see one subway the whole time i was in cambodia.

the latter part of the journey was spent with the whole bus yelling in unison "SCAM BUS!" at the driver and also chatting to a (different) and cute japanese boy. romance beckons (ha, as if!), although the major problem was, as always, the inevitable language barrier. he spoke barely any english, me even less japanese. so we're sat shaking hands trying to teach each of our native tongues, smiling at each other. i wrote it all down phonetically in my book, "kinkydescar" means how are you, i think, and i was trying to explain what the word kinky meant in english and to be careful when to say it! tumble weed blew past... well, he asked me what my name was and he wrote it in japanese in my book with his name underneath. it was like being 14 again. ahhh!

so we made it to siem reap after 8/9ish. myself, the mancs and three other guys comandeer some tuk tuks and make way to the garden village which we'd all been recommended. devoid of casa del crack and three of us $16 richer than the others...