Arranged Marriages: India's ancient tradition
Replies: 16 - Last Post: Aug 21, 2012 12:21 AM Last Post By: tripster07
Aug 17, 2012 10:46 AM
Arranged Marriages: India's ancient traditionHello everyone,
I've been curious about the system for awhile, and my travels here in Kerala have given me some great opportunities to talk to people about their expectations and experiences with having an arranged marriage.
It's strange to think about how much free love defines western culture.
I'd really appreciate clarifications and comments!
Edited by: Andreas_at_LP
Aug 17, 2012 11:52 AM
Aug 17, 2012 12:50 PM
Aug 17, 2012 3:04 PM
Aug 17, 2012 8:50 PM
Aug 17, 2012 9:09 PM
Aug 17, 2012 10:53 PM
6knowing they know absolutely nothing about each other
Not completely true. A Jain friend was to be wed in a deranged marriage a couple of years ago and had the dozens of family meetings that are required, where he only got to see her a bare few times.
But... The two of them spent a dozen hours a day on the telephone getting to know each other over the nearly a year before the wedding.
Aug 18, 2012 11:16 AM
7My friend also said that it isn't so much a big deal if there are differences in castes or socioeconomic status any longer in this day and age, but that religion is quite important, especially when it comes to Muslim/non-Muslim families marrying into one another.
So the man's family approaches the female's family, right? What happens if none of his family's proposals are accepted? What happens if a female doesn't get any offers? It's been going on so long that there must be some sort of process..
Is there anyone on here who has firsthand experience?
Aug 18, 2012 12:20 PM
8the percentage of married people (men and women both) cheating on their spouses, must be the highest in India
I had a love marriage and I'm too scared to cheat - these Punjabi women are bloody strong and vindictive ! In any case, no other woman has been attracted to me so no opportunity to cheat :-(
Aug 18, 2012 1:24 PM
9Let's face it some don't get the chance to refuse, I had a lad work for me a few years back, who's father had set up his marriage before he was born, he married his fathers friends first daughter, unfortunately there's a difference of 9 yrs between them. I asked him how he felt about the set up, he said it was a shame his father didn't die of alcoholism before he arranged it.
Aug 18, 2012 2:00 PM
Aug 18, 2012 4:54 PM
11Side comment, at last intelligent & respected posters (I may be biased).
"@Ed: of course they tend to last longer, if only because for most Indians there's no way to end their marriage"
Actually, I have been immersed enough to find out exactly the opposite. Officially, the census records show an extremely sharp rise in such over several decades (eg. 2, 10, 20%). Even before such, people just got up and left. People just routinely tell me about it so it must have been fairly common. The highest percentages were in "love" marriages. As one unfortunate avant garde young person put it, we don't have the experience to pick a good match.
Reasonably happy is subjective but I would venture 50:50, approximately that here in the land of shake & bake (today only bake knock on wood). Happiness is a whole field itself and full of subjects (people) with unreasonable expectations (what makes Bollywood). Every year there is a different survey and a different country tops. Nigeria was there once. Maybe the religious pogroms and murders will affect that. I asked a Finnish member here how his country ended up that way one year and he said it was because the women were beautiful & the beer cheap and both easily available (its too cold for my taste ship the beer). I nominate Eithiopia since they smile a lot when they aren't in famine.
I am still ticked that the dancing girls haven't shown up after I reached all the way around that iron piller at the Qutab Minar. Life is a yawning chasm between what we want and what we get.
Ah Mr. K I feel your pain. However, my old spiritual advisor used to say that as we get older women meant money going out and money going out meant eating dog food to survive. I myself have a penchant for fine chocolate, Scharfen Berger rocks. Its hard to buy that on food stamps:)..
Aug 19, 2012 12:22 PM
12Talking of culpability, a vet I use to use on occasion came to me and said he had to find a wife before his mother passed away. I said have you not told her your gay, he said no it would kill her, I said well it would solve your problem. Needless to say the bow legged Marathi pigmi found after numerous letters (with attached photo) , a 6ft 2" uv sensitive wallflower from Kolkata and married it, and all because he couldn't tell his mother he was gay. I mean that poor girl will have to endure so many unhappy years because he wouldn't drag his fat arse out of the closet.
Aug 19, 2012 2:54 PM
13@ 11: Can you explain what or who scares you? In other words are you afraid of cheating or of being discovered cheating?
I should run an attention deficit programme. Every young turk nowadays latches on to a perceived catch phrase in the opening and omits to read the follow up lines - answers to the questions above lie therein.
no other woman has been attracted to me means you did not attract any other or you did not feel attracted by any other?
I believe I'm speaking English. But let's break this down for your benefit :
(i) No other woman :
Meaning a non-male other than my wife
(ii) has been attracted to me (to be read in conjunction with (i) above) :
Meaning I did not attract any other than my wife. Hence, whether or not I felt attracted by any other becomes immaterial. Say "Duh" !
@vdvoort : I know you love me
@Sir Ed : My puppies (i.e the canine version & not the human kind) gorged on spaghetti bolognese yesterday excellently cooked by my wife. So what does that say about dog food ?
Aug 19, 2012 11:18 PM
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