Moving away and scared... Need some encouragement!
Replies: 21 - Last Post: Mar 13, 2012 4:27 PM Last Post By: gawkabout
Mar 2, 2012 7:19 AM
Moving away and scared... Need some encouragement!Hi guys, basically I need some insight and advice - although I almost know what your advice will be. I just need to hear it.
A bit of background...
I lived in Japan for a year when I was younger and loved it. At the end of my contract, I returned to the UK to be with my girlfriend who I had met just before I left. We spent 7 years together, got engaged and bought a house. However she split up with me 7 months ago as she wants kids asap and I just couldn't take the plunge. Not yet anyway, I just didn't feel ready, but her biological clock is ticking. Basically I still wanted to see the world and experience new things but she wanted to settle.
I was a mess for the first few months, this was my first real breakup. We put our house up for sale, and at the same time I had to quit my job due to stress. It was a bad time for me. Now, 7 months later I am healing. I am, however, stuck in a rut. I am living with my parents, jobless and basically just existing as opposed to living.
I have recently accepted a job in Tokyo and I move there in 2 weeks. It's a year-long contract. I have no reason not to take it apart from feeling overwhelmed and scared. On paper it's a no-brainer: move to Tokyo for a year and have some great experiences or stay at home in your parent's house with no job.
But fear is holding me back. Despite me having no real 'life' at the minute at least I feel safe and secure.
Lately, my confidence and independence has suffered greatly. I used to be such a confident person. I think accepting this job is what I need to do as a person to grow, but I am really scared.
Are these feelings of moving anxiety normal? Is it fear of the unknown that is causing me to be scared?
If anyone can relate to these feelings, or can offer me some advice and support I'd really appreciate it.
Mar 2, 2012 8:28 AM
Mar 2, 2012 1:30 PM
2It normal. The first step is always the hardest. It does not matter if you are moving to Japan or a new city in the UK there is always going to butterflies and "fear of the unknown".
In your case, I think going to Japan, is like putting that final nail in the coffin of your relationship.
Once you get on that plane you will be beside yourself with excitement. Just don't fall in love with the next girl you meet, have a shagtastic time and you might meet the perfect girl along the way.
It also took a relationship breakup to enable me to go travelling. I never looked back at my crappy corporate wage slave life in the UK again.
Good luck, happy travels and live a life less ordinary.
Mar 2, 2012 1:42 PM
The first time I went on an extended trip overseas by myself, I came home feeling like I could do anything, handle anything. I mean literally if someone had handed me a ticket to central Africa, Siberia, wherever, I would have said "Alright, give me an hour to wash my clothes and let's go!". After a couple of years back in Canada, I found myself getting really nervous before my next big solo trip, wondering if I should just stay home, if I would get lost or lonely, if it was all too hard and too scary, etc.
Here's how I chose to look at it. I liked my adventurous self more than this scared homebody I had become. I knew I had felt stronger, more free, more alive, more like myself after that adventure. I decided that the anxiety was a sign that I needed to go NOW. That I shouldn't waste any more time being this person I didn't like that much. It sounds like you're in the same boat.
So yes, go. Yes, it might be scary. But you can handle it -- you have before. You may be "safe" at home but you don't sound very happy. I predict once you are sitting on the plane to Japan you will feel fine and just excited. Go! Go now! Good luck.
Mar 2, 2012 3:21 PM
4I think it's normal. Change is scary for humans and you've been through a lot of change.
I get itchy feet after a few years in a country and always have to move on. I've done it a lot of times and it's always worked out. Despite that every time I'll have at least a few moments of gut churning anxiety "ahhh what was I thinking, why am I doing this?" type feeling.
You'll be fine once you're here. Speaking of 'here' drop me a pm if you'd like someone to grab a quick meal with or something. I'm in Tokyo and I know sometimes when you move countries it's nice to have someone to do something social with.
Mar 3, 2012 5:22 AM
5Thanks guys for your kind replies, yes I know you are right. It's as if I need to do this, even if my brain is irrationally screaming "don't do it! It's too much of a risk!"
I do need to do this to grow as a person, and indeed, get the 'old' me back. I remember last time living in Japan not giving a crap about anything - and that's the person I want to be again. I just hope that person still exists, but I guess there's only one way to find out, eh?
I read a quote somewhere I guess that kinda sums this thread up:
“The quality of our lives is directly related to the amount of uncertainty we can live with comfortably.”
So I guess the more you're willing to put yourself out there, the more you'll get in return...
(purpletreefrog, thanks so much - I'll maybe PM you when I get to the other side!)
Mar 3, 2012 7:48 AM
6I wound up shipping out, aboard Swedish freighters. By accident/serendipity. I was in NYC, with not mucj money. I stood in Washington Square, Greenwich Village.
Beside me stood two hippies, talking to each other. One says to his mate, "You know. You can work one way on Swedish freighters. Two days later I stood in the Scandinavian Co-op shipping office. Two days later I caught a little 8000 toner to East coast of South America. All SA crew and I was water to them, cleaned officer's cabins and started my destiny.
The SA crew hated me. "What's a clean young white boy, doin' out here amongst us, unless in the CI.."
During my time in social drydock, I found a book, in the ship's library, Cooper's Creek by Alan Morehead.
About the Burke Wills Expidition, that dissapeared in outback 1861. Maps. Illustrations. I had to go see that for myself.
2 years four months in laughing learning paradise.
Mar 3, 2012 7:53 AM
Mar 3, 2012 8:31 AM
8i'll say like all the other, it really sounds like you need this. it sounds to me that you know who you want to be and taking that job, regardless of anxiety is bringing you one step closer to being that person you want to be. best of luck with the travels and adventure my friend. don't let anyone stop you from being who you want to be or what you want to do!
Mar 3, 2012 9:18 AM
9Yes. I used to be the person who would stick a pin in on a world map and then google some obscure Russian or Asian town. I've travelled the world quite extensively (albeit with my ex), done the whole backpacker trail round Asia, USA, Oz, NZ etc. I need to tell myself this next move is just another one of these adventures, and from Japan I may even be able to go to Burma or somewhere new on holidays. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this x 1,0000
Edited by: lemsipp
Mar 3, 2012 9:34 AM
10As a church razed boy in the 50\s, a ticket to a tandom bed, was a marrage license. Hense, got married for the wrong reasons. That and paradigms which never really made much sense to me.
Two minutes after I fired the gun at myself. I got the epiphany. "If I can't do it their way...why not follow my own star?"
The second marrage is better.
Mar 3, 2012 9:37 AM
Mar 3, 2012 3:35 PM
12"I prefer a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence."
gawkabout I'd also prefer a lifestyle that doesn't INCLUDE your presence. When you add multiple replies (which don't make sense) to one post it is kind of like spamming. I know you like to reply and hey, it's the internet, you have every right but why not try and limit yourself to one reply at a time.
Good luck OP. I think you're going to have a fantastic time (mixed with a bit of fear) in Japan.
Mar 3, 2012 4:51 PM
Mar 3, 2012 7:34 PM
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