After successfully imposing a retrospective 'time flies' tax on all past journeys, one low-cost airline operator rolls out its latest scheme to trim costs. Under the new system, passengers wishing to avoid a £12 surcharge are required to inscribe the boarding-pass barcode into their forearms, using a template downloaded from the airline's website and an easy-to-use etching kit (£11). 'It's all about freedom of choice,' explained a spokesperson.
The take-up rate is impressive, but by Easter the airline has noted a collapse in passenger numbers. Following a disastrous summer, the firm finds inself in receivership. 'I've always said that the key to running a low-cost airline was to strip away your passengers' self-esteem, and it seems I was too good at my job.' So says the airline's unrepentant CEO, after leaked market research shows that 97% of the airline's customers felt so worthless they thought they no longer deserved a holiday.